To Hell with it, it's just Mie...

Happy

2012-01-23T07:04:00.000-08:00

I've been spending a lot of time, lately, both with Mustang Boy, and thinking about MB. And other children, too. I'm noticing, that for the most part, they are pure joy.

This is what I mean.

Unless he's super hungry, or doesn't feel good, my kid wakes up, see's me, and gets that big, goofy baby grin on his face. He smiles and laughs through most of his day. He smiles for just about everyone that crosses his path, and especially if they'll make a funny face at him.

When he's in his "command module", he explores, plays, watches a little television if it's on, and has a good time, until he's tired, or hungry, and ready to be liberated.

Sure, he has his cranky days. We recently survived his first winter cold. (Me having the same cold at the same time made that quite a challenge).

But, for the most part, he is so happy.

What's wrong with us?

Are WE that happy? And if we aren't, WHY?

I know. I know. We grow up. The weight of the world comes down on us. The economy. Supporting ourselves and our families. Bills. Jobs.

Blah blah. The list goes on, as we adults are well aware of.

But I contend that we CAN be, and should be happy, like the babies are happy. And spread that joy.

So, I'm going to be doing that, or, rather doing the best I can to do that. To start each day with a smile on my face, and happiness in my heart.

Just like my son :)

frustration

2012-01-10T12:17:00.000-08:00

Its hard for me to admit, but,

I'm frustrated.

Not all the time. Not even 50% of the time. But time.

MB has entered this phase where when he wants ANYTHING, no matter how major, (like food) or minor (a position change) he squeals and hollers like a howler monkey.

Doesn't matter what time it is. 5:30 am, or noon. He just goes from 0-60 in less than 2 seconds. And if it doesn't happen quickly enough?

Look out.

Boy has a temper.

He is also still cute, laughing and babbling, but the howler monkey?

Ugh!

I'm sure what's not helping is that both he and I have a head cold. I think thats why he has woken us up before 4 am every day this week with his howler monkey demonstration. He feels like crap and wants to be on one of our chests instead of anywhere else.

I've had my hair pulled, my eyes poked, little fingers that try to go up my nose and in my mouth. I'm covered in spit up and snot. (his, and mine, sadly).

I know, I know. I signed on for this. I'm the Mama.

I love him like crazy

but the howling has to stop....

Lets Review, shall we?

2012-01-01T03:01:00.000-08:00

As I sit back and look at 2011, my mind is just kind of boggled.

Seriously. I kind of feel like I really hit the bucket list jackpot, somehow. Except, some of the things that happened weren't necessarily on my bucket list?

This year I have maintained a pregnancy, and NATURALLY given birth to a healthy baby, (the intrathecal that never happened WOULD have been on my bucket list...)

In doing that, I've survived 2 separate hospitalizations, one for my back, one for the baby :)

I finally, with the help of 2 good MD's, figured out WHAT was going on with me, causing pain and misery. Sure, being diagnosed with RA wasn't really what I wanted to happen, but, I know how to treat and deal with it, and am doing so much better than I was!

My family is thriving, the baby is growing more every day, and MG is doing well.

AND last but not least

for a beautiful Christmas morning surprise, MM asked me to be his wife.

(and I OF COURSE said Yes :)

So my year has been stellar, really, and I know that 2012 is going to follow suit....

Happy New Year Everyone.....

Merry Christmas

2011-12-22T19:32:00.000-08:00

From our house to yours :)

and now for something completely different

2011-12-14T13:07:00.000-08:00

As I was trying to fall asleep the other night, I was doing something I frequently do when insomnia rears it's ugly head, I was reciting song lyrics. For some reason, my mind went to the Eagles song "There's A Hole in the World". (that looks funny written out. ha!).

Anyhow, that song, though repetitive, contains one of my favorite lines ever written, probably:

"they say that anger is just love disappointed".

And suddenly, instead of reviewing lyrics, I was thinking about anger and love, and I decided that whomever "they" are, they are right!

Then, I started considering other song lyrics, and what I thought were some of the better, more meaningful ones. My mind ran the gamut, from an oldie called "You Don't Own Me", to Country, because MM loves the lyric "Bubba hollered out, 'reckless, hell! I hit just where I was aiming!'". So many things to choose from,

and then I fell asleep.

So, now I want to know from you (few) readers, what is your favorite, meaningful song lyric?

really?

2011-12-06T12:51:00.000-08:00

So, I discovered something interesting last night. Or more, read an interesting article.

Apparently,

We are supposed to have Mustang Boy bottle free by the time he is a year old. To do this, we get him a sippy cup at around 6 months old, and let him hold it and play with it. When he can hold onto this well, we start filling it with water, or other appropriate beverages to his age. Then we start substituting it for bottles he would get during the day time hours, until he isn't using bottles anymore.

All this, before he's even a year old? Really?

The article(s) that I read were going on and on about bottle rotted teeth, and childhood obesity when you let them keep the bottle too long.

Now, it's not that I want him going to kindergarten with his bottle in his Star Wars lunch box or anything, but I hadn't really given that much thought to when the right time is to switch him to other containers. So far, I've been going by instinct, and pediatrician advice over when to do major things, like feed him solid foods, ect. I think having no bottles by the time he is 12 months old is kind of pushing it though. But he might surprise me.

So, people with kids, how did you know when it was time to faze out the bottle? And how old were YOUR kids?

playing catch up

2011-12-02T12:53:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving did not disappoint! Well, except not having MG there with us... but I guess we have to share :(

We went to visit my parents, and middle sister, her husband and their kids were there. She is the one with 3 boys of her own, and right now they have a foster son who is 2 weeks older than Mustang Boy. We are for sure making up for the years when mostly girls were born to the family :) (at one point, there were 6 girl cousins, and one, lone, boy....)

To say it got noisy at times is an understatement. Along with the noise came all the stimulation, and voices, and arms that wanted to hold MB. He did really good for a long time, but, after MiMi got picture happy, he had an epic crying meltdown, and it took both MM and I to rock him to a much needed nap. He just isn't used to all the people, stimulation, and attention... He woke up smiling again, and we now have a plan to try and make the Christmas visit less stimulating for him. I am aware of the fact that he's going to need to adjust and adapt to the situations, but right now? He doesn't understand that, and his fresh little brain is only going to take in so much stimulation, even if that stimulation comes with love.

My RA is still acting up somewhat on me. I am moving a lot better, and functioning with a lot less pain, but I still feel it in many joints. The medication I'm taking for it is a little scary for me, too. Im taking a low dose of a chemotherapy drug, weekly, and that is frightening. But, I feel okay, so I have to believe that its working. I feel a whole hell of a lot better, actually. So I go with it, and try not to think too much about it. It will be with me for the rest of my life, so, accepting it has to happen, and I have to move on.....

alright. I'm off to clean a long overdue fish tank. (So overdue, I have someone who is really going to clean it for me while I "help".)

I can almost taste the leftovers now!

2011-11-19T15:35:00.000-08:00

I am really looking forward to this Thanksgiving, for some reason. Not that I didn't look forward to them before, because I've always enjoyed Thanksgiving, but I think, after having such a roller coaster holiday season last year, my attitude is kind of better towards this year. Last year was all that damn snow, plus, without realizing it, I was barely pregnant. My body sure knew it, I was so weepy! Plus all that snow!

So far, we've had just a small amount of the white stuff. I'm good with that. When MB is older, some snow might be fun, for him. I'll stand at the window with my hot chocolate and watch him play in it :)

Anyhow. Thanksgiving!

Coming soon!

We are going to my parents house this year, along with a large amount of the family. I am bringing dessert items. I think that I am also going to make us a small Turkey here, for our own after T day celebration. MG is with her Mom this week, so she won't get a home cooked meal. (Her Mom likes Boston Market Thanksgiving Dinners.... to each their own..... I have no comment on that....).

Plus, by doing our own Turkey here, I'll have plenty of sandwich fodder, ha ha haaaaa......

The RA thing is improving-ish.. the meds seem to be helping me some, though I just got bold enough to try and squat down to grab something from a cabinet and OH LORDY. Knee popping tearful pain! Obviously, my knees aren't ready for that kind of action yet... but I stood back up, cursed a bit, and walked it off. Thats MUCH better than it was...

Happy Thanksgiving from our crazy house to all of yours :)

Bitter disapointment

2011-11-13T11:34:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, I think that I got to witness MB's first real disappointment in life.

We've been introducing him to foods, usually a new one every 3-4 days. One of the latest has been peas.... and also peaches.

He is a HUGE fan of the peaches. His eyes light up, and I cannot spoon them in fast enough. He recognizes the packages of baby food, and I got one out yesterday, it was peas... He didn't realize what they were, until I spooned the first bite of foul brew into his mouth.

OH, the drama...

the eyes got wide, tears started to fall, and the lower lip came out further than i'd ever seen it. Then, the head went back and a full blown wail of sadness, accented by peas running down the chin emerged.

I felt so bad for him.

But yet, I kept feeding him the peas....

RA, RA, RA?

2011-11-10T12:00:00.000-08:00

So, its been "officially" confirmed, I do indeed, have Rheumatoid Arthritis.

What does this mean?

It means at least I know what's going on with my silly body, and it also means that I have treatment that will significantly put me in a better place.

I met my rheumatologist yesterday for the first time. I really liked him. He's this really kind of quirky MD who studied mostly in the south (Mississippi) and he was very positive about what I could expect over the next few months. He was also realistic and too the point, which I like.

I've started taking the medications, and, he says in a few weeks I'll feel like a new woman. My symptoms will resolve, over some time, and I have to not get complacent because I feel better and stop taking the medications. I will be on meds for the rest of my life, if I want to not have the pain issues and swelling issues I have now.

He also took me off work until January 1st, so that we can get all the meds and symptoms and labwork sorted out. Apparently I am very prone to infection at this time, because my body is too busy fighting itself to recognize that another outside thing needs to be fought. Makes sense. Working in an ICU full of winter infected people could cause me issues, so, I'm off. Can't say I'm heartbroken, since it gives me the holidays free and clear to spend with my family, BUT, I do like my job too, and was kind of just getting back into the groove after maternity leave.

Ah, well, whats a girl to do

So thats the skinny on me. MB is of course, awesome. He's eating some solid foods now, Applesauce, Carrots, and Peaches. Next on the list of things to subject him to is peas. Yech. But he needs a green veggie...

MG is doing fantastic in her senior year, senior pictures to be taken soon!

And of course MM is still fantastic and has really been supportive over all the recent junk I'm experiencing...

so, onward, upward, ect. ect.

I'm all set to kick some RA ass, and get on with it....

Halloween!

2011-10-30T04:23:00.000-07:00

Or, almost....

my favorite part about this holiday is really, all the small kids in cute costumes. Always has been. The funny thing is, I almost went crazy with ideas of all the cute things we could put MB in this year, but then my rational brain kind of took over, and realized that he wouldn't really enjoy being dressed up from head to toe, he'd probably be fussy and pull the annoying bits off, or he'd spit up on the whole thing. So, instead, he has a cute onesie for the day with a ghost on it and it says BOO! on the butt. As the weather is now getting colder, though, he wears pants now too, so more than likely, no one will even see the BOO, but I know its there :). Next year, maybe, will be good for costumes for him.

He, and MG are my treats of this Halloween. My 'trick', unfortunately, is my joints.

We all know I had a rough pregnancy. That back strain alone still makes me weep. Well, after I had the boy I felt fantastic.

For about 2 weeks. Then, all my joints really started in on me. I figured that it would take time for all the relaxin to leave my system, but its been four months, now. Some things are better. Some are worse. My hands are horrible. So I went to my MD, and my chiropractor. They both think the same thing. I seem to be having a Rheumatoid Arthritis flare. Reading up on it, I find out its common when there are big hormonal changes. And, what have I been having over the last year really? Yep. Changes.

So, I'm having the lab work done, and I'll be going to see a specialist so that I can start to hopefully, function closer to normal again. Work has been interesting, to say the very least. It will get better.... it will get better.

Buddy

2011-10-23T19:17:00.000-07:00

Since becoming the mother of a son, I've noticed something...

every little boy seems to be "Buddy".

Not partner, pal, or dude

but buddy.

I work pretty hard at home at referring to MB with his real name. I really don't hate the name Buddy, but I didn't name him that, either. I want him to respond to what we named him, I kind of like the name :). None the less, Buddy is heard fairly frequently in our house, and I hear it in public, too, with other parents with boys, or people who come talk to us when we are out and about with MB in his stroller. (He LOVES his stroller. It moves and everything.)

I wonder, when they all start kindergarten, if a teacher were simply to call out the name Buddy how many of the kids would answer?....

Oh, and before I forget, special Thank you to Pam for the sweet card and adorable pillow she sent to MB. We love it :)

the raving post of an insomniac

2011-10-16T02:50:00.000-07:00

I can't sleep!!! AAAAAARGH! I think that MB has got me so trained to getting broken up sleep that even now, while he is blissfully sleeping the night away, I am awake with an active mind!

Of course, there are other things going on that are helping to activate my mind, but still. Its 0253 AM. I would love to be sacked out about now

But since I'm not...

Halloween is almost here! I have blogged many times how much I like Halloween. To me, its a pretty much no pressure holiday. There is some work to it, costumes, candy. But thats FUN work. Don't get me wrong, I like the other holidays, but sometimes, too much brain work has to go into them. Thanksgiving isn't bad, but Christmas, though I love it, is a brain buster. We made it easier on ourselves this year, and the adults drew names again, which I like very much. We'll spoil the kids, play steal a gift, and make merry.

But I'm not ready for that yet! I am ready to bring on Halloween! We decided not to put MB into a full on costume this year, I think he wouldn't like it much. He does have a cute Halloween onesie to wear, though. If I were going to dress him up, I think he looks a little like Caspar, the friendly Ghost, so I'd do that.

Sigh. 3 am. And here I sit. I'd bet money that the minute I get tired and fall asleep, MB will wake up hungry...

3 months old :)

2011-10-10T18:31:00.001-07:00

And we couldn't love him more if we tried....

Hit and Miss

2011-09-30T19:32:00.000-07:00

see I post twice in a week, then nothing for what, 9 days?

Ahh, you all know what I'm up to, I don't want to bore you with baby stuff. I could go on and on and on about the Boy. He's a whopping three months old now, but, as with all preemies, they adjust the age back to look for milestones.. He's doing great, gaining weight, eating, pooping, smiling, cooing and making all kinds of racket when he chooses to. He stays awake longer, sometimes too long, because he's already figured out that if he goes to sleep he might miss something good. Little stinker.

Work is at the bottom of the dogpile for me. Because I was off so long, I think my body forgot how to fight the germy's off, and as a result, I've been sick and at home this week from it. Its typical. My nursing immunity will kick in and bail me out here. I kind of expected something like this to happen. Its not horribly severe, just enough to annoy me, actually, save a few incidences that had me home alone, being sick in a bathroom and listening to the baby cry. That was kind of hard. It sucked actually...

I'm looking forward to the fall weather we are supposed to get this week. If I had to choose a season to live in permanently, I'd choose Fall. I really like this time of year. If only they wouldn't contaminate it by putting out the Christmas stuff already....

lets try again

2011-09-21T14:50:00.000-07:00

Wow.

I'm on the computer, twice this week! MM and MB are napping together on the couch. (I'd post a picture but it is really not MM's thing when I take pictures of him sleeping, even if he's with the cute baby).

Its funny how my time priorities have changed. I used to climb out of bed leisurely, open my computer, peruse the news, the blogs, look around at a few things, IM with MM while he was at work...

Now, of course, my time revolves around the cute new boy in the house. And I'm totally not complaining about that. One of the funny things I've noticed now is that I can be satisfied looking like hell most days, but MB has to look totally cute or I'm not satisfied. :).

My new work shoes should be coming tomorrow, thats the soonest I can get them. I'm hoping that I get to stay home on call tonight. If not, I'm going to have to wear my not work shoes to work in, which I don't like doing. I have this thing about keeping the stuff I wear in the hospital separate. Even shoes. But I CANNOT wear my other nursing shoes anymore without extreme pain. I like not being in extreme pain...

MG turned 17 yesterday... we are making her ugly cake this weekend for her. I still can't believe she's 17, and graduating from high school this year. I met her when she was this cute little 12 year old. She has grown up so fast. I'm sure, in a few years I will be crying about how fast my boy has grown up on me too. But for now?

I still get the good smelling baby :)

aargh

2011-09-19T11:18:00.000-07:00

Its talk like a pirate day, but frankly? I'm too tired to actually attempt it. I'd probably hurt myself.

MB is in his swing right now, but has been fussy today so I am expecting it won't last long so I better update in a hurry.

Work has been work. It hasn't changed. Going back was VERY hard, for many reasons. Somehow, my feet are wider than they were before MB, and my shoes just aren't cutting it, and it really is bad working 12 hours in shoes that are not wide enough. Not a good thing. And I can't find any locally so I am awaiting some mail order shoes....

emotionally, I cry at least once a shift because I am not at home. I do miss everyone when I am at work. But I still like my job and want to do it.

Oh man. Tears and crying from the swing. I knew that wouldn't last long.

We're all good here. I ate carnitas last night, home made. I think they didn't agree with MB, and now I feel bad and have to go soothe him...

so Hi and Bye I guess

here we go again...

2011-09-06T16:45:00.000-07:00

So, tomorrow is it....

I'm headed back to work after having been off since the end of April.

My brain is going in so many directions. Part of me looks forward to going back, getting into the groove of taking care of people again, and reconnecting with the co workers I happen to like, (and avoiding the ones I don't).

Part of me is scared, because I am still having some pain issues with my back and shoulders, and at times even my knees. I still seem to have a bunch of relaxin floating around my body from the pregnancy. Literature says it can take 3 months to get it all out. Your body makes 10 times the relaxin it needs while you're pregnant. I can sure tell.

Part of me wants to stay home, with my boy, so that I don't miss a single solitary thing. But I know that option is not realistic, nor would it be healthy, for either me, or him. Even at such a young age, he has to start learning some independence from Mom. Thats a tough one. Of course he has MM and MG here to meet his needs, and I know they are going to continue to be awesome at that. But I won't be here to well,

be here.

Deep cleansing breath!

Its going to be all good.... Once again, we will adjust and find our new rhythm

whats been going on

2011-09-03T11:07:00.000-07:00

I swear we are a magnet for rude people when we go out to have dinner.

We went back for the good mexican food to the same restaurant where my water broke. It was fairly early in the evening, and just one family was in the small area where we were sat down.

Right as our dinner arrived, the woman in the group, very loudly, and stridently, starts yelling at everyone at her table about her ability to tolerate pain while she is giving birth ("I just turn my head and stare off!! I DO! THATS WHAT I DO!!!") and she then progressed into yelling louder and more insistently "YOU TRY TO PUSH A WATERMELON THROUGH YOUR ASSHOLE!!!" numerous times. Her KIDS were begging her to be quiet, her husband just kind of sat there, unamused, while she bleated on... and on... and on... for about 10 minutes. Geez. Like I really wanted to hear that.

I go back for my first day of work this Wednesday. I've been dreaming about it. I don't know if thats a good thing or not. But, it will be fine, I'm sure.

Mustang Boy had his 2 month appointment this last week. He weighs 9 lbs 13 oz, and is 22.5 inches long. If you go by that growth chart they love so much he is in the 5th percentile :). Not bad at all. He is eating well, and starting to stay awake longer and interact with us more. He also got some shots, which didn't thrill him (or me) in the least bit. He survived it, and was easily consoled, but I know in the future he's going to know what needles are and hate them. I don't blame him, at all...

Mustang Girl wise, she is enjoying school, so far, and we are getting ready to have her senior portraits taken. We will probably have some pictures taken of MB, as well....

Tired

2011-08-26T09:36:00.000-07:00

Oh I am so tired....

I know, I know...

babies+parents= no sleep.

But its really not just the sleep thing, because frankly, MM is really good to me when it comes to sleep. Whenever he can, he gets up with Mustang Boy and does a middle of the night feeding so that I can sleep as much as I can.

I am emotionally tired.

Its not a bad thing, I don't think. It shows I'm human, really. The last week has been tough, MB is having problems with being constipated and gassy, and there is NOTHING worse then hearing your baby scream and cry from something so simple as wanting to have a BM, or even fart. Its getting better, slowly, too slow for my taste. Other than that, he is staying awake longer, holding his head up and looking around, and he has started to smile at me, purposefully, especially when I tickle his chin. He also makes really sweet noises to me while I am doing things with him. I think he is telling me his secrets..

But then, he gets hungry, and eats, and then the pain again... and I want to cry with him. (and sometimes, I do).

Yes, we are using the Mylicon, we've made and given him more of the karo syrup water, warm baths, belly massage. Even rectal stimulation. (I know, TMI).

We see the pediatrician tuesday, I'm wondering if we need to change his formula. He is getting breastmilk, and high calorie preemie formula right now. We shall see...

Time stand still!

2011-08-16T14:15:00.000-07:00

Time continues to fly by. Tomorrow, Mustang Girl is starting her SENIOR year in high school...

it seems like yesterday I was blogging about her graduating from Eighth Grade. It is scary how fast time goes by. I'm afraid that I'm going to turn around tomorrow and Mustang Boy is going to be starting kindergarten. Then graduating himself.... for the first time in a long time I am wishing that I had a way to slow things down a bit. Instead, I am trying to enjoy every moment. Especially before I head back to work...

We took a longer trip with him this weekend, an over night one. We attended a friends wedding reception, then drove to my parents house the next day. MB did pretty well, until the ride home, he was so tired of the car seat, that soothing him was nearly impossible. We were all so glad to get home and back to our routine, such as it is. The routine is about to change, though, since MG is starting school, MM is starting his classes again, and I am going back to work soon. Finding our new normal over the next few months is going to be interesting, but we've figured it out so far, so I am sure we will muck our way through it....

Meanwhile, here is a picture of MB relaxing with his grandfather...

Oh, how we've grown!

2011-08-07T12:37:00.001-07:00

One month left

2011-08-05T13:56:00.000-07:00

It seems like a long time, but I know now it's not.

I go back to work in one month.

I should actually be going back in about a week, but I got my leave extended, related to Mustang Boy's prematurity. (Go, me!)

Part of me is ready to go to work, and enjoy my job again. I do miss nursing other people.

Part of me wants to quit today and stay home with our son, enjoying every second.

That isn't an option. And I don't really want it to be, honestly. I like working. But its going to be tough, driving away that first night.

What really helps is that I know I am leaving him in very capable hands.

I knew that MM was a great father, anyone can see that when they see him interact with MG. But seeing him with our son? OMG I could not have found a better man to procreate with! Seriously. I love watching the two of them together. I know while I am at work that everything is going to be better than fine, and that MB will be in the best of hands. That will make going to work again so much easier.

Hopefully I won't fall asleep mid shift....

Waiting, patiently

2011-07-29T09:54:00.001-07:00

Every now and then, I have to re-affirm that I've been Darylized...

We saw this lovely dog when we were at Donner Park. He was sitting with his back to me, patiently watching his people pack up their stuff, getting ready to leave. I decided I needed a picture of him, and just as I was taking it, like he knew what I was up to, he turned around and gave me this sweet look. His owners spoke Spanish, and sadly, I don't, so I don't know his name...

fun weekend

2011-07-25T11:19:00.000-07:00

We had a very interesting weekend... it was kind of cool.

It was MM's last weekend off before having to go back to work (after being off for almost a month) so I let him have all the control over our outings...

Sadly, Saturday found us at a Memorial Service for a friend of MM's. Lots of people there we knew, it was a very informal gathering, and turned out to be a nice time telling stories and meeting/seeing people.

One person there that I knew also had her 95 year old mother there. She asked me to come sit down with them for a bit so her Mom could see the baby. So, I did, and, in the end, this 95 year old lady ended up with Mustang Boy in her lap. He was sound asleep. The change that came over her was beautiful. She so enjoyed holding him, and talking to him, and telling me about her own son, when he was that tiny, and she could not have him at home until he was over 5 pounds... watching her, I could envision the young mother that she was. It was kind of awesome. He stayed calm and sleeping in her lap, for a good 10 minutes. Her daughter was more nervous than the rest of us were. One thing I have learned is that when you go into the public with a baby, you are an elderly person magnet. I had more people coming up to us to see him and "bless him" this weekend. It was interesting.

Sunday, we took a short trip to the Donner State Park. Its on a lake, with lots of walking trails and chipmunks. It was a nice get away that wasn't too away from home. It felt good to be out walking in the sunshine. We want to go back with a big picnic, soon! Mustang Boy did pretty well, but at the end of the day he was fussy and ready to be at home where he could sprawl out and stretch. Not in the car seat, or Moby wrap...

Tomorrow it will be four weeks since his birth. I can't believe how fast time is going. He has gained some weight, we are up to a whopping 5 lbs 6 oz now! Our newest preemie battle is unfortunately with constipation issues... not fun. But we are working through it, one of the pediatricians gave me some great tips Sunday morning on how to help him. Yes, I absolutely paged the on call MD sunday am, he was miserable. I was miserable. She didn't mind me calling at all...

OH!

and we got a package, from NYC! We LOVE the onsies, pictures will come soon, Daryl! Thank you so much!!!!!!!

Figuring it all out

2011-07-18T20:24:00.000-07:00

So, Mustang Boy has been home now for 18 days. That just doesn't seem possible.

Life goes on, but at a slower pace for the moment. The days of being able to just grab keys and walk out of the house are over, now I have to make sure I have whats needed for he and I, load him in the car seat (which takes me some time, because he is already a wiggler) and THEN I can go. What has really been a wonderful blessing is that MM has been home with us since the birth of the boy. When it's all said and done, he basically had a month off to spend time at home getting to know his son, and help me through the hormonal minefield that is Post Partum life.

Speaking of hormones, I was half way expecting to have a slight Post partum depression problem. Happily, so far, knock on my computer, I've really not experienced that. Yes, I've had days where I cry over nothing. I had one memorable day where my emotions ran the gamut from deleriously happy to screaming shrew (thankfully we haven't repeated THAT), but all of that was within the first week, and, expected. I still get tearful kind of easily, but I can deal with that fairly well.

The fun thing is learning MB's cues to what he wants, or needs. Yesterday, he was fussy and not settling down, like he usually does after his belly has been filled. He was laying on my chest, and wormed his way all the way up, and then laid his head on the bare skin in the v neck of my shirt.

Now, when he was first born, every morning we would lay skin to skin for at least an hour. It soothes him, it soothes me, frankly. But lately that has kind of fell by the wayside, being at home means other things demand me. But he apparantly missed it, and needs that time. So I pulled off his onesie, and tucked him up under my shirt, where he immediately calmed, and then slept for a solid 2 hours, when he woke up ready to eat again. So, the moral of that story is for me to make sure he gets that time with me. Not a problem. And I was pretty pleased with myself that I was able to figure out how to soothe him.

We have one more week of having Daddy at home with us, and then, he goes back to work. :(. Mustang Girl is starting school in less than a month, and I will have to go back to work myself sometime soon. I am actually seeking to extend my maternity leave until Sept. 1st, just to make sure we are over our prematurity issues. I want to go back to work. But I know its going to be tough at first.

But We will figure that out, too...

On Prematurity

2011-07-12T13:38:00.000-07:00

* This is a little rant-ish, but I wanted to get it out of my system*

So, Mustang Boy is still good. We are coming along...

But I am here to tell you, having him be five weeks early? Is a challenge in itself.

One thing I am already tired of is people telling me how "lucky" I am to have given birth to a small baby. Lucky, really? Because I felt contractions just like everyone else did. He came out, just like most other babies. And while they might think it was easier on me because he was only 4 lbs 9 oz, I can say I don't think its that much easier.

People don't stop and think about the fact that he is PREMATURE.

That means he was supposed to be still enjoying life on the inside! He wasn't quite ready for his entrance, and frankly? Neither were we! MM had to put together his furniture post haste, and his little clothes weren't even washed!

And, how about the fears that go with having a baby, early? I had a shot of surfactant, to help with his lung maturity, but I needed 2 of those shots, one 24 hours after the first one. I never got that second shot, so, there was a possibility he would need respiratory support. Being the star he is, Mustang Boy had a lusty cry right out of the uterus, and I have never been so glad to hear anything.

Then, there is the whole regulate the body temperature issues, because small babies don't have a lot of fat to keep them warm. Thankfully we had the boy during warm weather! Still, there were nights in the cold hospital where I had to beg the nurse to give us a little less air conditioning, but everyone else and their babies were warm. So we bundled up, and MB slept with me, in a hat, clothes, and at times, in 2 blankets....swaddled within an inch of his life...

And then, all the heel sticks for monitoring his glucose levels, and checking his bilirubin levels. MB still has holes in his heels, and he is 2 weeks old, already!

And the eating! Trying to get a preemie newborn to co-ordinate his suck, swallow breathe mechanism is hard work. And God Forbid the baby lose weight, or isn't getting enough breast milk or not pooping enough. We are still finger feeding him extra formula with a syringe and feeding tube to ensure that he gains weight, because I really don't want to have to go back into the hospital with him. Never have I worked so hard, and been so thrilled with a whopping 3 oz. weight gain! "Term" babies will lose a little weight, and it's okay, because they were bigger to begin with....

Why aren't we just using a bottle for that extra formula? Because.. right now he can learn one thing and be comfortable with it. Either breast. Or bottle. Not both. It would confuse him if we tried to go back and forth, until he is closer to his due date. I chose to breast feed. I'm not sorry. He will be able to go back and forth eventually, but not right now.

And his clothes that we picked out so carefully?

Don't fit him. Big time.

But we did get some cute preemie outfits, and he looks adorable no matter what he is wearing.

So do me a favor, if you meet a woman who had her baby early, don't try and tell her she is lucky. She knows she is lucky in a lot of ways, but, truthfully? Thats not one of them...

despite the challenge created by his prematurity, we are still really loving and enjoying our son, and as each day goes by he gets bigger, and stronger. We ARE lucky in that. Even when I went into labor, I just somehow KNEW he'd be okay. And he is, and he will be...

One Week

2011-07-05T21:24:00.000-07:00

Almost to the minute.

One Week.

A week that has changed my life in ways that I could not have imagined or even remotely predicted.

I would not give this week back for anything.

You want the story, right?

I know you do.

Sit down, it might get long. I need to get it all out. And I am sure I will be laughing and crying while I write this post. Maybe you will be, too.

I will say, first and formost, because it will be torture if I don't. Mustang Boy is fine. No, he's PERFECT. He was born on June 28th, at 9:26 pm, and weighed in at 4 pounds, 9 oz. He is 18 1/4 inches long. He is small, but mighty. Right now he is napping on his Daddy's chest after a day of meeting his grandparents, Auntie Seattle, and Great Grandma.

So, from the beginning.....

Monday the 27th found us at our usual. Mustang Girl and I at home doing things. Mustang Man at work. He came home, and we decided it was a good time to go get groceries. Oh. And some Mexican Food for dinner before we went. Away we went. I sat down to some very excellent Enchilada Suiza that I can ALMOST still taste they were that good. Damn good. MM was paying for our fine meal, and I headed to the bathroom. Curse of the pregnant woman, you know... Halfway there, All the sudden, my pants were wet.

WET. LOTS OF WET.

Oh My God.

WET.

And I knew, it wasn't urine. Sorry if that grosses any of you out. But its what I was thinking. So, I haul to the bathroom, where I panic,laugh, and oddly, debate what I want to do. (Like I had a choice, right?). I came out, looked at Mustang Girl, and said, Get my purse. Get your Dad, my water just broke.

Oh, did I mention the full restaurant? Yeah...

We make our escape, and reality is setting in. We are all excited. We were probably all scared, too. For those of you keeping score, this meant that our boy was early. By FIVE WEEKS. Not horrible, but not really ideal.

A few minutes later found me standing at the locked door that leads to the labor department at my hospital, ringing the doorbell to get in. At change of shift, no less. Still having intermittant gushes of amniotic fluid. No doubt about it. MM was doing his best to get me attention before I started leaving puddles on the floor. I got in,got into a bed, and it was confirmed, I was indeed a PROM. (premature rupture of membranes). My good Dr. D was not on call, and a Dr. I don't really care for was. He told me that they would start an IV, some antibiotics, and watch me for the night, and Dr. D would see me in the am. He tells me he doubts anything much will happen, and as long as I am getting the antibiotics, we can let things progress.

Then, the contractions started. In my back. I had some hum dingers, too. All in my back. Time went by, and I just wasn't progressing much, despite the pain. My mom and sister came, warm showers were taken. Curse words were bandied about, tears were shed. The boy stayed rock steady throughout it all.

Then, after not progressing all freaking day, Dr. D started to mention the C word... Caesarean Section. But he had one last trick up his sleeve. One last dirty trick.

PITOCIN. Medication of the devil. Satan invented. My last chance for progression.

So they turn it on, and turn it up. And up. Then up some more. And I contract, contract cuss, and contract. And my contractions? No break between them, I was stacking five of them one on top of the other on top of the other. And that nurse turned the Pit up MORE. Damn it. She says to me that it will put me into an organized contraction pattern.

Organized my ASS.

I went from 4 cm dilated to 10 cm dilated in 1.5 hours. And because of that? I didn't get my intra-thecal for pain relief. We tried some fentanyl in my IV, but it was no use. I stopped asking for it.

And that nurse?

Told me to push. But not to make noise while doing it. Yeah, that didn't happen. I needed to make that noise. So I did.

Then that nurse?

She told me to pant, not push anymore. You see, Dr. D wasn't there, yet, and she said he would get mad if I delivered without him. She didn't want to deliver him.

20 minutes later?

That nurse delivered him.

Because I had panted a lot more than I thought I could. He was not gonna wait.

Then Dr. D walked in.

Sweet relief, all the way around.

My back pain? Gone. I got to have the baby with me, on my chest, for a good 20 minutes, he was doing so well. Then he got weighed and measured, and his Daddy got to hold him, and bring him back to me. A sweeter moment I will never have. Mustang Girl came in, pictures were taken, tears were shed. People went home, and I got up, went to the restroom, cleaned myself up, then WALKED to my post partum domain, pushing my son in his bassinette.

Yes I did. Because I am woman.

We spent 4 nights in the hospital, extra because of his tinyness. We've had evil lab tests that involve the poking and poking of his heels, my poor boy. But he has passed them all with flying colors. We have a few hurdles, mainly eating related, but we are doing well. He is growing and changing every day.

Family has come to oogle and admire and argue over who gets to hold him next. MM, MG and I have had some seriously good quality time bonding with him, both at the hospital, and at home.

Baby furniture was quickly assembled, clothing washed and sorted through for outfits that would fit his tiny frame.

Hormones have gone WILD.

more tears and curse words have been shed.

But through it all, our focus is our boy.

We are in love. He is all we couldask forin one tiny package.

And we are eternally grateful.

Stubborn

2011-06-21T09:05:00.000-07:00

I am sure you all remember that along with the boy coming our way, we have a teenage girl as well. She is a great kid, and has been a big help during the pregnancy, and looks forward to her little brother.

She is, however, a teen. And all that goes with that. We've had our challenges lately, and right now, she is chafing at the bit some because she's had to start off her summer vacation grounded.

It is what it is.

Yesterday, we were watching something on television that had young adults wearing placards that announced what they felt their vulnerabilities were. Or something like that. Maybe it was their biggest malfunctions, I wasn't paying that much attention to it. Thinking about it, I told her I would be wearing one that said "Procrastination". Its gotten me in trouble on more than one occasion. She opined that she wasn't sure what she'd put down.

I smiled, and said, (nicely) that I thought stubborn might work for her. She took that well, said she thought stubborn was a compliment, and didn't see how it could be a vulnerability. Which started us on a discussion about how it really COULD be.

Stubborn can be a good trait. It is useful on many occasions. But, you also have to know how to pull it back. How to realize that though you WANT to be right, you are not always right, and you have to admit that. Stubborn can prevent all that.

I think she saw my point. I know that when I was her age, I was stubborn and would have rather have been bathed in fire ants then back down from whatever or whomever I was trying to out stubborn.

She is just like me. I may not have given birth to her, but I swear, we are cut from the same cloth. So here we are, in the stubborn teenage years. Adding a baby to the mix.

Maybe I should call this post CRAZY.... :)

technology? Bah!

2011-06-15T10:56:00.000-07:00

The latest technology offered to people expecting children is the 3D ultrasound, which gives an amazingly accurate picture of your baby's features, while still in utero....

My OB has told me from the beginning of my pregnancy that we should have one if we wanted it, and that it is perfectly safe for the baby. The only caution he had was that the people doing it should not be offering any diagnostic advice, because they are not my MD. Made sense to me...

I can admit a curiosity, to see what the boy looks like, and, frankly? I love seeing him moving and healthy. BUT, I also am the lucky one that gets to feel him move and hiccup and kick and roll. I know that Mustang Man, and Mustang Girl really enjoy getting to hear his heartbeat, and see him, too, possibly more than me. So, I found a place that does the the 3D, and scheduled us for a look. My Mom also got to come, she really wanted to see her grandson...

Well...

Mustang Boy, true to the form I've grown used to, had another idea :)

He is, and has been for at least a month, already in a head down position, preparing himself for his grand entrance. Because of this, he is low enough that the ultrasound was not able to capture his face. At all. I laughed, and am still laughing. The tech told us to get our money back. (which we did).

Would I have liked to see him? Yeah. But I am going to be seeing him PLENTY. And soon. So will MM, MG, and my Mom. Everyone took it good naturedly, chalked it up, and in the end, at least we got to meet my mom for a nice lunch. We also, that evening, met with MM's niece, and her boyfriend, for a nice dinner. It was a nice, family oriented day.

A different kind of question

2011-06-08T08:51:00.000-07:00

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

If an orange is orange, why isn't a lime called a green, and a lemon called a yellow?

If Barbie's so popular, why do you have to buy all her friends?

If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?

and the one question that I kept going back to last night?

I want to know why the Swiss have such a nice, yellow, nutty flavored cheese named for them, and what WE got was a very generic orange square that comes individually wrapped in plastic.... out of all the cheeses out there I feel we could have done MUCH better...

So, anyone got any answers for me?

suddenly, I find I have lots of questions...

2011-06-02T11:03:00.000-07:00

As time is going by, and I am getting closer and closer to THE day, I am slowly letting myself think about the things that I've been shoving to the back of my mind.

40 weeks is a long time. I knew that, but now I REALLY know that. In the beginning of this pregnancy, I knew better than to let myself think a whole lot about August. It was a long way off, and that would really torment my brain. My mantra through out all of this time has been "one day at a time". I needed it to be that way. I kind of still do, however, I also now feel where we are at the stage where the things have to start coming together into some sort of plan of action. Things need to get done. Mustang Boy is growing and moving and kicking, and some of my fears of bad things happening are diminished.

We are currently surrounded by boxes of baby furniture that needs assembly. A crib, a changing table. We are in the process of re arranging our bedroom so that we can put said furniture where we want it.

Other than house stuff, my mind has started to wonder about labor, and contractions and stuff. Will I be one of those panic ridden women who goes to the hospital three times with "just" Braxton-Hicks contractions? How will I know the difference between those and the real thing? Will my water break first? and if it does, I hope I am outside, or in the shower or something.

And, at the risk of grossing you all out, don't even get me started on the whole mucus plug thing...

These are the things starting to creep into my brain. I think I liked the avoidance method better :)

Happy Memorial Weekend

2011-05-28T09:17:00.001-07:00

Now, go thank a Veteran, or five :)

here, fish fish fish....

2011-05-26T11:21:00.000-07:00

Most of you know that MM and I keep fish tanks in the house. And that this winter was very very hard on said fish tanks.

Truth be told, I think we both kind of lost our fishy mojo for awhile because of all the fish death that occured around those power outages. I took a few chances, and got a couple fish a few times for the big tank, but the power would go out again, and the new fish always died. So, I stopped.

We still have our hearty survivors, the loaches, the cories, the four gourami, a frog. So there is life, in my big tank, at least. Unfortunately, there is also a mess, the tank needs to have all its decor taken out, it's air hoses exchanged, and a partial water change done. I have not had the gumption to do any of that. And we won't even discuss how bad the salt water tank is right now...

We did, however, finally square away our Betta tank, and get a new inhabitant for it. MM named him "Nimitz", after a famous Admiral in the Navy.

He's a beautiful fish, dark blue, with a black face, and 2 red underfins.

He's also dumb as a post.

I have NEVER seen a fish like this poor guy....

nightly, when MM feeds him, he has to show the fish where the food is, by leading him to it with his finger.

This fish hangs out on the side of his tank, where he can see himself, and tries to flare up and fight with his own reflection. I've had to turn the lights off in his tank so that he doesn't do this for HOURS at a time, and hurt himself.

We are hoping he is just a young Betta, and that as he matures, this will pass.

But it's a good thing he's pretty....

doing this damn thing almost killed my brain....

2011-05-20T09:06:00.000-07:00

ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT? Right palm. Carpal Tunnel Surgery
WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR BEDROOM? one framed photo, a small shelf, with a crucifix and a picture that I've had in my room since I was an infant
WHAT DOES YOUR MOBILE PHONE LOOK LIKE? like everyone elses. But cooler.
WHAT MUSIC DO YOU LISTEN TO? Anything but rap, and Kidz Bop crap. And NO, that will not change...
DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN? I've been told at 1:30 in the afternoon
WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW? for it to be August, and all the baby stuff done :)
WHO DO YOU MISS? I actually miss a few people at work, believe it or not...
IS ANYONE IN LOVE WITH YOU OR HAS A CRUSH ON YOU?
They better be!
WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU KISSED? Mustang Man.
WHAT’S YOUR MIDDLE NAME? Scott
THE BEST TV SHOW EVER CREATED? Wide World of Disney. I loved watching that...
THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO? Mustang Boy. He and I have this ongoing conversation. He responds by morse code...
DO YOU GET SCARED IN THE DARK? No…
THE LAST PERSON TO MAKE YOU CRY?. My hormones. Seriously. I cry so easily right now that its embarrassing.
WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE COLOGNE / PERFUME? anything, as long as it doesn't smell up the air that is 20 feet around it. I really don't have a preference.
WHAT KIND OF HAIR/EYE COLOUR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX? All kinds, as long as their hair isn't so sloppy I can't see their eyes
WOULD YOU RATHER BE SMART OR FUNNY? Smart.
COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINKS? Coffee.
WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE PIZZA TOPPING? mozzerella and basil
IF YOU CAN EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE? mozzerella and basil pizza
WHO IS THE LAST PERSON WHO MADE YOU MAD? Any driver in my viscinity the other night
DO YOU SPEAK ANOTHER LANGUAGE? Nope
WHAT WAS THE FIRST GIFT SOMEONE EVER GAVE YOU? dunno.... fertilization?
DO YOU LIKE SOMEONE? as in LIKE like? Totally!
ARE YOU DOUBLE JOINTED? No.
FAVOURITE CLOTHING BRAND? comfortable
WHAT’S YOUR DREAM CAR? I want to have a T bird one day
WHAT COLOUR IS IT? Still considering
WHAT’S YOUR FAVOURITE KIND OF EXERCISE? Sleeping
WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING? Aren't we ALL leaving, eventually?
WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO TELL SOMEONE HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO YOU? Actions speak louder than words. Show them, every day
WRITE A NUMBER FROM ONE TO A HUNDRED? 99
BLONDES OR BRUNETTES? Brunettes
WHAT IS THE ONE NUMBER YOU CALL OFTEN? I really don't
WHAT ANNOYS YOU MOST? stupid drivers who risk my life when they drive
HAVE YOU BEEN OUT OF YOUR COUNTRY? WHERE DID YOU GO? WHAT PLACE DID YOU LIKE BEST? Oh hell. Yes I have, in the Navy. But I have to go with a tie, Paris, France, and Yokosuka, Japan...
YOUR WEAKNESSES? Procrastination. Gets me every time
FRIES/CHIPS, RICE, OR BEANS? Fries
FIRST JOB?.Worked in a landromat
EVER PRANK CALLED SOMEONE? Yes.
WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE YOU FILLED OUT THIS? IM'ing with MM
IF YOU COULD GET PLASTIC SURGERY WHAT WOULD IT BE?None.
WHY DID YOU FILL OUT THIS MEME? Because all the other cool kids were doing it and I hate being left out
WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST? My youthful appearance.
WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF ALCOHOL BECAME ILLEGAL? I'd be fine, actually, I'd miss it, but I'd be fine.
WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY? A day with no snow
HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT? I want the two that I have. We are done after Mustang Boy
WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? My Grandparents last name is my middle name
DO YOU WISH ON STARS? Yes
WHICH FINGER[S] IS YOUR FAVOURITE? all of them, because they are working
WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? Ice cream
DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? Sometimes
WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE LUNCH MEAT? Turkey
ANY BAD HABITS? Procrastination
WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING CD ON THE SHELF? "I Need Love" LL Cool J...
IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? yes, I like myself
HAVE YOU EVER TOLD A SECRET YOU SWORE NOT TO TELL? More than likely. But I am not telling.
DO LOOKS MATTER? Depends on what I am looking at
HOW DO YOU RELEASE YOUR ANGER? In torrents of hot flaming lava
WHERE IS YOUR SECOND HOME? Somewhere else
DO YOU TRUST OTHERS EASILY? Depends on what kind of vibe I get from them. Yes, seriously, my first impression of people will make or break them with me
WHAT WAS YOUR FAVOURITE TOY AS A CHILD? Light Bright
HOW MANY NUMBERS ARE IN YOUR MOBILE PHONE? Never counted
DO YOU USE SARCASM? or does it use me?
DO YOU KNOW ANYONE FAMOUS? not really
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN A MOSH PIT? No
WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A PLACE TO LIVE? I look for home
WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES? depends on who is addressing me
HOW MANY HATS DO YOU OWN? WHAT’S YOUR HAT SIZE? Hell if I know.
DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?No.
WERE YOU UPSET ABOUT STEVE IRWIN DYING? It was sad, but I didn't know him personally...
WHAT’S YOUR FAVOURITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR? Rainbow Sherbet
ARE YOU LAZY? Yes.
WHAT ARE YOUR FAVOURITE SONGS AT THE MOMENT? This question is too hard. I like too many
WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE BAND? The E Street Band
HOW MANY WISDOM TEETH DO YOU HAVE? None.
DO YOU WANT TO GO ANYWHERE SPECIAL THIS YEAR? Yes.
WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? A fish tank filter that needs some water added to it. Damn it.
LAST THING YOU ATE? Hasn't changed since a few minutes ago
LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? uh... probably MM, I don't use the phone very often
WHATS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE MORNING? That its getting harder and harder to roll out of bed
FAVOURITE THOUGHT PROVOKING SONG? What if God Was One of Us
FAVOURITE TWO THINGS TO HATE? Hatred and stupidity
FAVOURITE DRINK? Water
FAVOURITE ZODIAC SIGN? Pisces
SPORTS YOU LIKE TO WATCH? Football, and if its live, Hockey
WHAT IS YOUR HAIR COLOUR? depends on the day...
EYE COLOUR? Blue/green
DO YOU WEAR GLASSES? no
SIBLINGS? Yes
FAVOURITE MONTH(s)? October, for some reason. I love fall
DO YOU LIKE SUSHI? Yes
LAST THING YOU WATCHED? Bubbles blowing in the damn fish tank
FAVOURITE DAY OF THE YEAR? is TBD
ARE YOU TOO SHY TO ASK SOMEONE OUT? Not really
SUMMER OR WINTER? Winter…
KISSES OR HUGS? Combination of both please
RELATIONSHIPS OR ONE-NIGHT STANDS? Relationship every time
WHO IS YOUR FAVOURITE CELEBRITY? None of them
WHO IS THE LEAST LIKELY TO ASK YOU ON A DATE? my mother
BOOKS YOU’D LIKE TO SEE TURNED INTO A FILM The Outlander Series by Diana Gabaldon

The art of sitting and being quiet

2011-05-17T10:48:00.000-07:00

The weather did, indeed, turn foul, and on Sunday, it decided to gift us with some more snow. Thankfully, not much fell, and its been followed up with some mere rain, so it's mostly gone....

The weekend was good, I felt pretty good, and even managed to go see a movie with Mustang Man, and MG, on Sunday. We went and saw 'Thor'. It was pretty good, but the loudness of it startled Mustang Boy a few times.

But, I think we are in the midst of another growth spurt right now. I can tell, because all my joints and ligaments start to ache, from extra relaxin being released into my system. It makes everything loose! Then, coupled with the cold weather... oy....

Mustang Boy also gets a little quieter when he is concentrating on growing. He still moves, but not as much, because I think he is using his energy to grow bigger, like he should be!

So, I am being a good girl, and not doing a whole lot right now, because where there is relaxin, and things growing and getting bigger, there is room for pain and inflammation if I do something I shouldn't. So I am being schooled in the art of patience, in doing what I can, and accepting that there are some things that won't get done today. Or maybe even tomorrow. But they will get done.

So, I am sitting in my chair, watching "How To Train a Dragon", and watching the rain fall outside, while Mustang Boy leisurely kicks at the laptop, because he hates it when I have it near him, I think...

lets try this again

2011-05-13T10:01:00.000-07:00

Some of you got to see yesterdays post, before Blogger ate it, somehow. Its all good, I can add some more information, anyhow :)

at the risk of cursing myself, I've been home for over a week now, and the pain is much, MUCH improved. I very seldom need to take anything for it, and it's usually just a plain Tylenol, unless I get too worried that the pain is going to escalate, then, I do what I need to do and take the prescribed pill. The pain pill thankfully does not seem to slow the baby down at all, he is very active. But it makes ME feel like I am kind of under water for awhile. I don't really like that....

Yesterday, we had a sonogram to check Mustang Boy out, size wise. I am so happy with the results of it. He is right on the money for his gestational age, everything looked great, we saw his heart, his brain, his bones, his face, and the OB gave MM a really distinct picture of the twig and berries, which cracked me up. Those have developed on track, as well :). He weighs about 2 lbs, 8 oz. according to the measurements. They also set my delivery date back by one WHOLE day. Ha ha. July 31st. But I know Mustang Boy will come at his own will, when he chooses to.

We are supposed to get a week of rain, starting tomorrow, which I don't really mind, but now, they are predicting the possibility of more of the other stuff that I refuse to even consider. It better not.....

at the risk of cursing myself...

2011-05-12T08:41:00.000-07:00

Its been a week now, since I've gotten out of the hospital, and things are good. I spent a few nights getting up and down to my chair and the bed to sleep, but am now back to resting semi comfortably in our bed, all night. The farther along I get the harder turning gets, though, plus Mustang Boy is a night time mover and shaker. When I turn, so does he, and he elbows me everywhere to find HIS comfortable spot. Then I laugh, because frankly? I just like feeling him move.

My injury is calming down, I am being very careful with my activities and body mechanics. I have not needed to take a pain pill in many days, which makes me feel better about the situation. I am using regular Tylenol. I WILL take the pain pill before I go through the hell of last week again, though, no one wants that.

Mustang Girl finally got to feel her brother kick the other night. The only other time she tried, he stopped kicking the minute she put her hand on my belly. He already torments her, silly kid.

Today, we are having a sonogram this afternoon, to check out his size. I am really looking forward to seeing him on the screen again. MM and MG are going to the appointment with me, and I am not ashamed to admit I will probably cry while we are all there, looking at him. Hell, I am about to cry now! (Hormones, anyone?)

We have had some BEAUTIFUL weather, but the weekend is supposed to be cold and rainy. Rain for 5 days, actually. I don't mind the rain, as long as we don't get that other thing that shall not be mentioned kind of precipitation....

If we get some good Mustang Boy sono pictures I will share....

Famous Last Words

2011-05-05T14:58:00.000-07:00

You know how when you feel better, you get all happy, and optimistic, and, well, you more than likely do to much?

Yeah.

I felt really good Monday, and went about, doing the stuff I was "supposed" to be doing. First, to the Chiro, for a follow up. He did a few things, nothing major, mainly to my shoulder, and knees. We discussed my possibility of relapse. He said High.

Next, to the hospital, to drop off some needed paperwork, and ask some important questions. Mission accomplished, I came home. Being a good girl the whole time, and using my trusted Milk crate, Bessie, to climb up carefully into the Jeep.

That afternoon, I had a very short physical therapy appointment, where the kind PT did the massage, and ice. Oh, and he kind of pulled on my legs, a little, until I stopped that because, well, I felt a tugging sensation near my groin area.

I came home. Was doing fine. Did a happy blog post. Made dinner, just BLT's, nothing earth shattering.

Here, is where it gets ugly. I almost didn't even blog this, but, I am, because, this is a record of MY life, including the bad.

Let me just start by reporting that both Mustang Boy and I are fine, now. Remember that important fact as you read on.

I went to bed, as usual Monday night. Sore, but sleepy. About eleven PM, I noticed I was tossing and trying to turn a lot to find a comfortable spot. That pain in my right hip was (ever) present. So I decided to get up and ice it for awhile, and chill in my big chair. Except.

I could not find a way to get comfortable, in my big chair.

The ice, it wasn't helping.

By midnight, I was trying to convince myself I was okay, that it wasn't as bad as it had been. By 2 am I was waking up MM, distraught, because it was WORSE than it had been. By 4 am? I was in the Emergency room. After a very hard climb into the Jeep, and painful but brief Jeep ride.

Once in the ER, they kind of half assed tried to help me. I got a few pain shots that did nothing to help me. I was too far gone. I rolled around, hurting, until about 7 am, when they decided to discharge me, and send me to the OB department, to be evaluated. Basically, they hurredly turfed off a now crying, nearly incoherant pregnant woman to the OB department, in severe pain. Needless to say they were horrified. They quickly determined I was having no contractions (thank God, I thought the pain was going to put me into labor). They checked Mustang Boy's heart rate, it was good, normal, galloping along. But Me?

NOT GOOD

I have never been in a more dark, agonizing place in my life, than my own body at that time. I could hear myself whimpering, crying, and eventually begging. MM was by my side, but unable to really do much beyond comfort me as well as he could. We even tried guided imagery. The OB nurses were beside themselves, getting ahold of my MD, who was in surgery. He did make it in to see me, and I could hear the horror and anger in his voice, as he looked at me and asked "how long has THIS been going on?"

All I could do was cry. MM answered him, and then I heard him announce.

"We are going to admit you, and put you on a dilaudid drip".

Then?

I really lost it. Because what my tortured, pained incoherant brain heard was

"you suck as a mother, and we are going to sedate the shit out of you and your baby".

Of course, that isn't what was said or meant, but I felt like super failure of a lifetime. Why was this happening to me?

So I lose my shit. Big time. I roll over, and just sob and cry like someone who just lost their birthday. And their mind. People were talking quietly around me, but I was beyond hearing what they were saying.

Eventually, I pulled the edges together the best I could. I told this poor nurse what shitty veins I had, and where she could put my IV. She was so freaking nice. She gave me a pain shot, put numbing cream on my arm, then proceeded to start my IV right where I told her to. It sucks when you have a nurse as a patient. She bore it well.

Then, she started giving me the dripped in pain medication. Part of me wanted to sigh in sweet relief, the other part of me wanted to be better, to say NO! and suck up what I OBVIOUSLY could not suck up.

The part of me that needed relief won.

I started to feel better. The pain decreased. I started to make sense of things. To rationalize. Yes. Mustang Boy was going to have to deal with some sedation. We would monitor him. Its better for him to deal with sedation, than early labor and birth, which is where I firmly believe I was headed, without getting any pain medicine. My body was in extreme rebellion.

So I stayed, in the hospital. For two days. I got home a few hours ago. I was on the pain medication drip for about 24 hours. It was the kind where I pushed the button when I had the pain. I did use it. I was careful. We monitored the boy, he had a great heart rate the entire time. He moved, but not as vigorously as he usually does. The paperwork to take me completely off work was started. I won't go back until after he is born, for sure, now. Eventually, I was changed to oral pain medications.

Am I still in pain?

Yes, I have some. Finding a comfortable spot to lay in or even sit in can be tough. But it isn't severe, mind numbing, body stealing pain. It's pain I can deal with.

Are the oral pain medications great for my boy?

Not especially, but they aren't horrible, either, and they are a mild dose. He is moving like crazy, just as strong as he was before the dilaudid drip. I heard his heart beat before I was discharged. It was beautiful and strong. Despite my falling apart, he is maintained. And he will be.

And I?

Will be severely limiting any activities over the next months. Doing even a HINT of too much will inflame my sacro-iliac ligament and joint beyond recognition. I know my limits. I've learned a lot about proper body mechanics, and what I need to do to maintain them.

MM, and MG have been troopers. I couldn't ask for better. Middle sister showed up and sat with me as well that first day, as I made myself stay awake, so that I'd sleep all night, despite the pain drip. She thought I looked like a stroke victim. She was right.

And so I limp gratefully around my home, glad to be here. Showered so I didn't smell like a hospital anymore, and am doing my best to relax in my chair. Mustang boy is poking at me, for having a computer in my lap. Mustang Girl is in her usual pose, parked in front of her computer and phone. Mustang Man will be home from work as soon as he can.

All is good (ish).

better (ish) now

2011-05-02T15:11:00.000-07:00

Well, things are smoothing out for me. I can walk without crying now, can mostly sleep in our bed again, and am able to do a few things around the house that make me feel productive. That helped my mental health. Plus, I was able to go in the hammock some this weekend, which was SWEET. I do still have pain issues, but they are at least improved, and I know what to do when I am having a flare up of pain. (ice, ice, baby)

As far as work, well, the general consensus amongst the people that are providing my care is that I not go back, until after Mustang Boy is born. My risk for re-injury is high, and if I get hurt on top of this hurt the recovery will be longer, and I will be trying to recover AND take care of a baby at the same time. So, unless my OB objects, which I highly doubt, then I am off work.... and I will still have a 'normal' maternity leave, too.

Mustang Boy is doing great. He moves and rolls and pokes and makes his presence known. He must not have liked being put on that monitor last week, so he makes sure that I know he is there. I like that. I am really looking forward to him making his appearance, when it is time. Meanwhile, next Friday we are having another sonogram so I can get a look at him. He'll probably be doing his circus tricks as usual.

So things are brighter, now. The sun is out, the bugs are flying, a few of my daffodils decided to bloom. It will be a good spring

tired of my whining, yet?

2011-04-29T11:43:00.000-07:00

Apparently, when you strain your sacro-iliac joint and inflame it very badly, you get symptoms that mirror sciatica.

So says my rock star Chiropractor, who is very good at what he does, and did a pretty thorough, yet painful exam on me the other day. I was so messed up, there was no adjusting that could possibly be done. He told me my ligaments and muscles were already loose before the pregnancy, and that now I was 'rag doll' loose, and referred to me as "Raggedy Anne". I have a ton of relaxin rolling around, relaxing things MORE, I just can't wait...

So, what to do?

I've been sitting on ice almost non stop since a few days ago, and it has helped some. I actually managed to get a few hours of real sleep, in the BED, this morning. I've been in my recliner the rest of the time, not sleeping. I was stupid tired before that nap.

My OB took me off work for at least 2 weeks, and is talking like I may not go back at all until Mustang Boy is born. I have mixed emotions about this. Nursing is hard work, and I am obviously paying for it with my back right now. But I like the job, and the people, and the stimuli. Yet, I also like walking without pain, and sleeping...

The plan is for me to go and be evaluated by a Physical Therapist, and see what they say. I am sure that is going to be quite painful, as well, but helpful in getting me functional again, and also to make the decision about whether working any longer is feasable or not. The time off looks very attractive, but in the end, I have to work. I WANT to work.

But, Mustang Boy ultimately comes first, come hell or high water.

What a roller coaster this week is!!

When it rains it pours

2011-04-27T15:15:00.000-07:00

So it seems that my pregnant uterus has decided it needs to sit right onto my sciatic nerve, which has, in turn put me into the worst pain I have ever experienced in my entire life. Labor CANNOT be worse than how this feels.

If I cry one more time I think my head is going to fall off, and we won't even talk about how it makes MM feel because I am falling apart.

I have called off work for the moment

I have called, and will hopefully make it into my chiropractor this evening, and I really hope he can help. Meanwhile, I am supposed to get up and move around the house as much as I can, which hurts like no ones business, especially when I get out of the chair.

We won't even talk about my pitiful attempts to sleep....

anyone got good sciatic advice?

I've tried heat, Icy hot, stretches.....

and so it begins

2011-04-25T10:33:00.000-07:00

Its been a long day... already!

This weekend was good, but long. My balance, lately, has been kind of wonky, and our shower floor has been very slick. No, I didn't exactly fall, but did the awkward slide, a few times, which really aggravated my joints and sciatic pains.... I was fine, though, and Mustang Boy was acting his usual self, too.

Except

he didn't move as much as I am used to for the last 24 hours, or so... and this morning, I could not entice him into moving for me, at all.

Enter, pregnant woman panic mode....

I called my OB office, because he is so great. Forgetting Monday's are his day off...

So I had the on call MD paged. But, in the mean time, the office of my regular OB called me back, and told me that I should just go on in to the labor and delivery area of the hospital, they will put me on a monitor just to make sure things are okay. In between all these calls, I was of course calling MM, crying because I was freaked out.

I ate some sugar filled torture devices (jelly beans) to see if I could wake the boy, then headed to the hospital. I really liked the nurses, they put me right on the monitor, and everything was (and is) of course, fine. Once on the monitor, Mustang Boy began to move and kick like no ones business. He just didn't want to wake up this morning at home, for ME...

I am telling you, this kid is going to be one to watch!

No whammies!

2011-04-21T16:58:00.000-07:00

Remember these little bastards, from that game show

"Press My Luck?"

The Whammy

I am still having the evil, vicious leg and foot cramps in my sleep, usually once a week or so. The kind that wake you up from a SOUND sleep with an immediate screech of pain, and a ball of muscle tightening said extremity. I whine, cry, curse and scream. I am frankly surprised my neighbor has not called the police, thinking someone has killed me. These cramps go up and down, feet to thigh, moving around, leaving me writhing in pain. I have checked, there is actually nothing I can do to prevent these, it is what it is, my body's adjustment to my ever growing pregnancy. I am getting plenty of water, vitamins, ect.

Yesterday, I got woken up no less than 5 times with various cramping adventures. Today, I found myself chanting "no whammies, No Whammies!" when I was turning in my sleep, or waking up...

Made me laugh.

but, NO WHAMMIES!

and, we're back

2011-04-16T21:16:00.000-07:00

Ahhh.

back on my laptop.

My lovely, well loved Mac took a dive last week. The whole video card died. Wouldn't even boot up. Thanks to the lovely people at Apple, we are back in business...

It snowed. Again. But not much, and it went away, quickly, thank goodness. I think Mustang Boy is a snow magnet. He doesn't seem to mind, as he is warm and comfortable in his built in womb. He moves, a lot now. Or, I feel it, A LOT, now.

We had our glucose tolerance test this last week. Thankfully, we passed, and I don't have to drink that detestable stuff again. 50 grams of sugar in less than 5 minutes. Blerrrrgh. Nasty stuff!

I've a few daffodils blooming, but sadly, I think the tulips are not going to come. I didn't even get any crocus this year. Just a few of the hardy daffodils. At least its something....

Funny!

2011-04-04T13:27:00.000-07:00

We spent some time this weekend with my family, at my middle sister's house. My Aunt from Seattle is down visiting, and everyone gathered for a small bbq and gathering.

My Mom has been after me, lately, to register the baby, specifically, on Target. Because most people have access to a Target.

Have I explained to you that shopping is actually not my favorite activity? I enjoy it in brief spurts. The thought of wandering Target with a scanner, even for cute baby stuff, kind of sets my teeth on edge.

So I did it on the computer, instead. (and it still gave me a headache.)

If any of you are interested in seeing the registry, let me know, I will email you the link. (Its listed under the name we've chosen for Mustang Boy).

What made me laugh, is that though I am not one of those people that always thinks "blue for boys", I found myself really picking most things in the realm of the blue's for him. I tried to toss in some brown, and some green. I really lean away from the white, because, white shows every dirt, spit up, or other malfunction. Yet, he's going to be a summer baby. I don't want him too hot, either, in darker colors! So, I ended up with lots of light blue choices... so much for not going with "boy" colors. I had to laugh. Its really hard not to go that direction.... especially because I don't necessarily enjoy pink, or yellow...

Boundaries

2011-04-01T10:08:00.000-07:00

Have I visited this topic before?

Maybe.

But it seems to be presenting itself to me, more and more...

Parenting a teenager is tough work, and the fact that I'm going to get a 13 year break between the two is probably a good thing.

MG is an incredibly good teenager, we are lucky. But that doesn't mean things are always golden and perfect. It shouldn't be!

She is doing her job, reaching for that elusive independence that we all craved at sixteen. Its good to see her progressing towards that.

But a vast difference between US being sixteen, and her being sixteen is the technology they have now.

These kids are SO dependent, and dialed into their computers, cell phones, iPods, and any other electronic thing they can get their hands on. If they are without them it's like they are missing a part of their soul.

They have no boundaries. Nothing is off limits. Everything seems to be exposed, there are no secrets, you can find anything out on the internets. About anyone.

Its ironic I am discussing this on a blog isn't it?

But, I have my secrets, my privacy, if you like, my hidden self. I like to think we all have that little kernel of ourselves. The one that hides.

But I am really starting to wonder if this group of kids, the teenagers of now, if they have that?

Is there anything they don't know?

is this good?

is it bad?

is it too much?

I don't have those answers. I never will.

I do know, though, that this Saturday, we are having a full on, technology free day. No computer. No phone. Nada. I think the TV might even be silenced.

Should be interesting

Time flies

2011-03-29T14:17:00.000-07:00

when you're not having fun?

Not to flog a subject to death, but dang.

SNOW.

We got a ton. AGAIN!

And that generator?

Died . 8 whole hours into a four day power loss. DIED. As in, not able to function.

I am so seriously ready for spring!

Then, glory be, last night the power came on. And all were happy. Except, I was at work. I came home, to enjoy my electricity, only to lose power again half hour after I got here.

Damn and blast!

But its back, again.

I hope it stays.

Please?

And the sun is out, the 5 plus feet of snow is melting,

I am feeling Mustang Boy move more and more..

Bring on the Spring.

Wait.

This is spring, right?

update, anyone?

2011-03-22T08:32:00.000-07:00

Well I suppose I could actually update on Mustang Boy, couldn't I?

I am still just making myself take this pregnancy day by day, thinking too far ahead hurts my brain too much, and I get too excited, and, truthfully, kind of scared of the whole being in labor thing...

I am getting a bit rounder, spreading out more. The baby movement is starting to be felt, sporadically, though he gave me some pretty good kicks right below the belly button the other night when I was changing position. We had a check up the other day, and all was fine. For once, Dr. D was able to find his heartbeat without the little Rascal hiding!

What hasn't been so much fun is the joint and sciatic pain from all the Relaxin my body is releasing, to make things, well, Relax.

Its not just the uterine ligaments that react, apparantly. Geez. Pain has become a frequent companion, and finding a comfortable position to sleep in is still kind of an issue.

On the plus side, I got a new 'easy chair'. Its called "The Beast". I LOVE IT.

I sleep in it very comfortably, frequently. Just naps, though...

Oh, and we found the cutest onesie for him the other day, it has a picture of Pig Pen on it, and it says "I blame my parents". I had to have it! Its awesome and I cannot wait to put him in it.

I am still emotional, and hormonal. I vacillate between tears and anger fairly frequently, especially if I am driving...it takes very little to make me cry, too, I've had to start being careful what news I watch on TV. The whole Japan thing is still just KILLING me.

And so is the NEVER ENDING SNOW.

It has snowed every freaking day this week. We've got at least a 2 foot accumulation, again.... I WANT SPRING!!!!! NOW!!! But we do have power, and joy of joys, MM found a very affordable generator for us, we should be getting it this week sometime. YAY! But I am still desperate for some sunshine....

Oh, well. Really.

2011-03-16T04:30:00.000-07:00

It seems I've missed my bloga-versary thingy.

I've been doing this, albeit somewhat sporadically lately, since March 12, 2007.

So much has happened since I sat down and created that blog while I was watching a DVR of the Craig Ferguson show.

Back then I was single, dating on and off, (mostly men who obviously didn't make the cut), and looking forward to spring.

Now look at me.

Still looking forward to spring.

Knocked up.

Living in sin with the best man I could have ever hoped to have fallen in love with, (and not remotely sorry about that) and his kick ass daughter who might as well be my own, in a house that WE bought together.

I'd say I've landed in a pretty good spot.

So happy late blogaversary, you poor, neglected blog.

I doubt I'll remember it next year, either...

I have a Sad....

2011-03-11T13:40:00.000-08:00

Most of you know that I lived in Japan for two years.

It was my first duty station when I enlisted in the Navy.

Living there was wonderful. Its a beautiful country. Working on that tugboat for two years was a blast.

Taking the crowded trains around the area, seeing the sights, visiting other small towns on the coast. Going to Disneyland where all the zombies in the haunted house were Caucasian, and the whispering Japanese completely unnerved you. Until you went back into the park and listened to "Its A Small World" over and over again in Japanese....

Crowded Tokyo, with its hoards of people, and shopping, and restaurants, and hoards of people...

Kamakura with its ginormous Budda,

The Black Ship festival we spent a week at, "celebrating" the first landing of an American on Japanese shores... (some of the Japanese are still questioning THAT move).

Fuji, in all its glory

the awesome food, especially Gyoza! and Yakisoba!. Standing on the street eating Yakitori from a Yakitori stand, and drinking Asahi beer. And, believe it or not, the freshly made "Stick dogs" (Corn Dogs) that were made in a small shop directly across from the Yokosuka base. (I wonder if they are still there)

Drinking sake with the JN's (Japanese Nationals) that came to our annual picnic on the base. They drank the American Beer, we drank the sake. Fair trade. The baseball games were fun, too.

The usually mild and awesome weather. The cute little school girls trying on make up in McDonalds.

I could go on and on.

But I'm in tears, a little.

Maybe a lot

Devastation is hard. Earthquakes, Tsunami, fires.

I've spent a long time thinking about Japan, today...

I now officially call bullshit

2011-03-09T12:47:00.000-08:00

a long while back ago, probably close to a year, I read this blog post written by a young lady who was a student nurse, and pregnant.

She opined, at that time, that being a mother made one a better nurse.

I am not going to link to that, or her, because, frankly, she wasn't open enough back then to acknowledge my comment on her blog that (gently) begged to differ. It could have been an opportunity for a very interesting conversation. Her loss.

But now, here I am, a year later. (ish). Pregnant.

Am I a better nurse because I am having a biological child?

No. Do I expect I will be after Mustang Boy is born?

No.

A good nurse is just that. A good nurse. Compassion doesn't suddenly become a part of your personality when you have a child. My compassion for my patients did not change when I began to co-habitate with MM, and MG, either.

I am readressing this now because for some reason I was thinking about this as I was (attempting) to fall asleep last night. It obviously still bothers me. For the first time in a long time I went and looked at the young lady's blog. She is a wife of a military man, and a mother (obviously). She still hasn't completed nursing school, or taken her boards. Life happens, I understand that.

I hope, if and when she begins her practice as a nurse, she realizes that childbearing does not beget good nursing or compassion...

In the meantime, I do, officially, call bullshit, in every capacity...

Back in the land of the living

2011-03-01T13:42:00.000-08:00

Whew, this winter is really a hot mess! Or, a cold mess? Yes. Cold mess.

My standing joke is that every year, for my birthday, I get weather. Being born in February, thats a given. I actually don't really mind.

This year was not an exception. MM took me out for a nice dinner, and as we were sitting at this cute table by a warm fireplace, the big, giant flakes of snow started to fall. And continued to fall.

We knew this storm was coming. We knew that a shit ton of snow was going to fall. On top of the shit ton of snow we'd gotten the week before.

Even with the shit ton the week before, we lost power, but only for a day. I now think a day is a short amount of time. Sigh.

This fresh storm, though, was very like the November one. Down trees. Unplowed roads, people everywhere freaking out. And, even MORE people in our community lost power, meaning PGE was spread very thin.

So. No power. This time Thursday-Sunday night. We got a hotel room right away this time, because I knew I needed hot, running water. We had to stay there until last night, because the plowing people? Left a five foot berm at the foot of our driveway.

Now, Roxie is a bad ass jeep. BUT, even she has her limitations.

I am SO glad to be home now. And yes we are getting a generator. However, the people that sell them totally price gauge during the winter, so we will wait, so that we can get it for the RIGHT price this summer. I don't want to spend more than we have to.

On the baby front, we finally, in the midst of the storm, got our amniocentesis results. The baby is chromasomally perfect. And he's also still a boy, we are 100% sure now. Big giant sighs of relief. It was very good news to hear.

The debate of names continues....

A rose by any other name

2011-02-22T14:31:00.000-08:00

In typical fashion for our house hold, the only name we'd firmly decided on for the Hun was a girl name. So, of course. He's a boy. Can anyone say "let the games begin?"

We've been looking around at some websites, but those can be dangerous. A fun one is the social security name index (which isn't wanting to open for me or I would link it for you). MM had a little TOO much fun with that one, however, by looking at the popular names in California, and suggesting names for the kid like Fernando, and Carlos, and Juan, just to name a few.

There is nothing wrong with those names. But we are probably one of the whitest couples you will ever hope to meet. We both are German stock, and on my side, you can toss in plenty of Scandinavian, too. Our baby will not have the tan to pull off Carlos, Juan, or Fernando. And neither of those names goes very well with with the baby's last name. Sounds really funny.

We seem to be headed in the direction of family names. We presently have 3 names in the offing. Naming the baby after MM, naming the baby after his grandfathers, or naming the baby after his great grandfathers.

I know what your thinking. I'm being a tease. But, I don't really use our names on the blog. I am aware most of you know our names. Or at least mine. But I haven't really put MM or MG's name out there. And the boy is probably going to be "Mustang Boy" on here. At any rate, we are not firm on his name yet. What we are doing is trying each name on for a week, to see how it sounds, how it feels, if its a comfortable fit.

In other fun news, sleeping has become a major issue for me. All my ligaments and muscles are relaxing, making things more roomy for the Hun to stretch and grow. Good for him, but my hips, and sciatic are groaning! Finding a position to comfortably sleep in has become my mission in life. We got a long, black body pillow to try and help ease things, but trying to find the right way to fit the two of us, and that thing in our queen sized bed is like wrestling a steer in the dark. Add all the sheets and blankets that I get all tied up in during the wrestling match, and I end up a very frustrated sleeper. Then, when I go to sleep? Foot cramps. How fun. I always get them when I am cold. And we've had a shit ton of snow this last week, and now that we've managed to clear some out, another storm is coming in Thursday, to dump more on us. Thankfully, we only lost power once this time, and only for a day.

Still awaiting the amniocentesis results. They said it could take as long as 10 days. Its been less than a week, so I am being patient....

long day I am glad is behind me!

2011-02-17T10:07:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was a long, tiring day.

The amnio went fine, but I have to tell you, I am not in a hurry to ever have one of those again. Though I was prepared for it, it still really discombobulated me.

The genetic counselor that talks to you before the event was really nice. She did a little family tree with us, and told me that she felt we were not any higher risk for any problems than anyone else in our age group having children.

The usual routine is that they do this in depth sonogram, measuring every aspect of the baby, and then they do the amnio, and then you get to leave. Well, the MD specialist had to leave early that day, and the sonographers were all busy, so I ended up having the amnio, first.

Yes, it hurt. Not a big torturous hurt or anything. A different kind of "hurt". Pressure, in a path all the way down my abdomen. The needle stays in for less than a minute, but it felt like hours. And I had my arm over my eyes and a death grip on MM's hand the entire time.

Then, when that was done, I was all happy, thinking, now the sonogram, thats cake, and we get to watch baby acrobatics again!

Yes

and no.

Lets call the sono tech lady Ursula, shall we? She looked innocent enough, long brown wispy hair, and braces, spoke with a lispth because of them.

She used that sonogram paddle like she was giving me, and the baby a deep tissue massage! Damn! At times I thought she was going to be measuring my spine pressed into the chair, not the baby! I'd flinch or gasp and she'd say "well, sorry. but I have to press hard".

So she goes about her business, and we get to see the face, brain, heart, bones, lots of various things. And then, she uses a little arrow pointer, and says "There you go, I am 95% sure its a boy".

So there you have it. Ursula scared the child into showing his junk. And we're having a boy :).

My reaction was laughter. And MM? Looked kind of stunned. You see, we really thought it was a girl. 90% of our people thought it was a girl. I am beyond thrilled to be having a son, though. I honestly had no preference, and I think having a boy will be great fun. Plus, it creates a nice balance to the house, gender wise.

Now, though, we are totally name shopping. We are starting to narrow things down, but we are still in discussions.....

I think this baby is going to be a prankster...

2011-02-15T19:33:00.000-08:00

I had an OB appointment today. I have to really say, I accidentally chose the exact right OB for my personality. Dr. D is laid back, experienced, low key. I like that.

Being as the amnio is tomorrow, he wanted to just do a quick check to make sure we were all systems go.

I am 16 weeks along now, towards the end of that "limbo" stage where everything seems to be there, but not there. I am starting to feel some of those first flutters of movement. Not anything definitive, like a kick, just these odd little "thrills" every now and again.

So, there we are, and Dr. D is measuring my belly, doing the things that go with a routine check up, and he breaks out the doppler, for the heartbeat check. Last time, when I had that spotting, he didn't find the heartbeat with the doppler, we just used a quick ultrasound instead, and watched the heart beat. So I was kind of looking forward to hearing that woosh woosh.

Except

the baby had a different idea.

Un cooperative little bugger.

He/she wouldn't come out of hiding. And at 16 weeks, it's not like the baby is large enough to really find THAT easily.

So, I found myself disappointed, and needing to wait for a bit, so that we could do a quick ultra sound look again.

Eventually, I get to the US room, and Dr. D puts the machine on, turns the screen towards me, and then the little prankster starts doing tricks!

My first pose involved the arm going over the head, almost reclining. "How you doin'" type of thing. Then, just because he/she can, the arm comes down, and the leg goes up. And over the head. "Can you see me now?" Then, just for fun, the pike position, like a little diver. This kid was moving all over the place! I mentioned to Dr. D that we would not mind if he revealed the gender, we plan on finding out anyhow. So he goes for a look, and sure enough, show time over! Legs clamp shut. "What you lookin' for"?

We did, also, see the heart, merrily pumping away, as it should be. The reason why it was so hard to doppler is that the baby is hanging out high in the uterus today, up near the thickest part of the placenta, so that was harder to find and get through. No worries there. All in all, Dr. D is very happy with how we are coming along now, and expects that everything will be fine tomorrow with the amnio.

I have to say, the OB appointment days are both very sweet, but a little scary. That thought of something being wrong drifts through my head, and I kind of hold my breath. Then, seeing that screen, the actual baby. It takes my breath away for a different reason. And there I am, crying. Then, and now. I realize I am lucky with my choice of MD's. I've been able to see our baby at every appointment. Most ladies get ultra sounds at the first appointment, then the fifth month.

I still want to hear the woosh woosh. But there is something really comforting at watching the baby acrobatics on that big screen....

I got nuttin'

2011-02-10T12:16:00.000-08:00

I seem to have entered this 'limbo' period of time where things are just kind of, well, status quo? Its interesting, and, frankly, a little frightening. Most of my first trimester woes are either gone, or much less extreme. I am so happy to say I have not vomited for a very long time. My hormones still seem to be getting the best of me at times, but I am actually working on that, on staying calm and happy instead of either angry, frustrated, or weepy. Having all the symptoms be gone makes me a little paranoid though, honestly there are times when I worry, "is the baby still there?". It sounds silly, but yet, there it is. I am not quite 4 months, so I don't really feel the baby move yet, and I am not 'showing'. I talk myself out of the worry, pretty easily. Babies don't just disappear, and I have no symptoms of anything gone wrong. I lump the paranoia in with the hormone production, and try to move on with my day.

My appetite is still completely changed. Its less. And that causes me worry, too. I am doing my best to eat well and healthy. But sometimes? I am just not hungry. And I am getting these 'what to expect when your expecting' updates, that tell me I should be eating every TWO HOURS.

Every 2 hours? I Can't. I really can't. Now, I started this adventure *not* a petite woman. My OB told me the baby would be fine without me gaining any weight (and he's right). But I've LOST weight. Its freaky. But yet, I've had countless women tell me they lost weight while pregnant. And their babies were fine. I figure the baby is taking all the nutrients it needs. But I wonder, where is that going to leave me? I don't feel horrible or anemic or anything. So I guess we're both okay.

In less than a week, I have an OB appointment, and then, a day later, the amniocentesis. With any luck, by the end of next week, or the beginning of the next, we will know the baby's gender.

I am actually letting MM tell people the gender of the baby. I get to do all the other kinds of things, I think it is going to be so much fun watching him share the news of what we are having... I will try to get him to do a blog post announcement for you guys. But it might be over on his neglected blog....

In 'not baby' news, not a lot, either. MM had a lovely birthday, MG is surviving her junior year in high school, and doing well. We are having some extended family troubles with my niece, who REALLY needs to pull her head out of her ass and grow up. But, sadly? I don't see any hope of that happening any time soon. She is not doing well... all I can do is support my sister, and pray, though. Its in hands that are bigger than my own...

The month of Love

2011-02-01T12:03:00.000-08:00

I've always been a fan of February.

And not just because it's my birthday month. Matter of fact, you'd think I'd like it less because of that.

But no, I think this is a great month. Its short and sweet, and is jam packed full of things to celebrate. Along with my birthday, we also have MM's birthday, and of course, Valentine's Day. I miss being a kid, and having that big, construction paper heart receptacle hanging from my desk, that the other kids would put those small, white envelopes in. Because we lived in a small town, most of us had limited choices of Valentines, and we'd give out the same kind as at least 2 other kids. But we didn't care.

And I love the conversation hearts. Those chalky, silly things. It's not VD without them....

The one thing I don't love about February is the weather. This is usually the month of the most inclement weather. One year, it snowed so much on Feb. 13th that a tree fell against the house. THANK GOD, the top barely grazed the roof. But still. It made digging out on VD a pain in the arse. And it's been years and years since I've celebrated a birthday without rain. Or snow.

The sun is actually shining today, which is kind of misleading, I think.

What I am really looking forward to, this month, as well, is finding out what gender our little Hun is. I am NOT looking forward to the method, though. I can admit it, the Amniocentesis is scary to me. Not scary enough that I won't go through with it, because it's important. But a needle? That long? *shudder*.

I am a nurse for a reason, it's much better to give, than to receive, and I hate being on the receiving end!

So.

February.

Even the spelling is great.

Happy month of Love, everyone!

(Oh, and I wonder if that poor ground hog isn't frozen into his burrow this year! Poor thing :)

Grumpy

2011-01-29T11:43:00.000-08:00

Wow

I am grumpy today, and I have a headache.

part of me wants to just put a sign around my neck that says "leave the grumpy woman alone" and the other part of me realizes that this is probably stemming from hormones and I should just pull up my big girl panties and get over it.

Tonight is 'date night' for MM and I, so I am hoping my mood improves. I am doing my best to improve my mood.

But then I get all weepy.

Damn, how come no one warned me that pregnancy isn't for sissies?

Bubblewench, consider yourself adequately warned.

never fall asleep chewing gum, chew your prunes.

2011-01-26T15:01:00.000-08:00

I can't expound on either one of those pieces of advice. Needless to say, work has been very interesting this week. And last week. It was my personal challenge these last few weeks to get through each work night without

puking

falling asleep at the desk

crying

or killing a co worker.

I failed one or two of those criteria, however... (care to guess which ones?).

The full moon of last week really brought out some winners in my little home town. Even a little old demented lady who would vociferously verbalize her intentions to kill most of us, on a regular basis. Nights like that I love being a nurse :)....

The wee little Hun in the oven has reached a new milestone, we are now in the second trimester, and, according to my "what to expect..." application, he or she is now the size of a lemon. We were the size of a peach last week. Is it just me, or aren't peaches bigger than lemons? I had a small scare last week, one that many pregnant women experience, but nothing really prepares you for it. For the first time, I had a tiny bit of spotting. Nothing major, nothing that was bright red in nature. Very small amount, but my heart nearly stopped. I did call my OB's office, and the Dr. Himself called me back, he was awesome. He told me it was "probably nothing", then said I could come in and he would check me, just to be safe. So I of course, went, and everything was very fine. I rested, slept, and the spotting went away. No harm, no foul. I read later that it is common to spot in the 12th week, and its a big placenta development week apparently, and we can actually develop a small hematoma (bruise like thing) at the bottom of the placenta that will not hurt either the placenta or the baby. But it was probably something like that which caused my little spotting.

Whew.

See what you learn on this blog?

We decided also that we would have an amniocentesis performed. The reasons for this are many, and good reasons, and my Dr. is sending me to a Dr. who is rated #1 in California at doing these procedures. The same doctor did my middle sister's amnio with her third child, and she swears he is very gifted and she barely felt it. Yes, I am scared of it. I hate needles. But the information we can gather is very important. Least of all, we will find out the gender of our little Hun. Mid February is when I will have it...

So, I have five days off, my sick symptoms are spacing out, and my appetite is slowly returning. I still don't eat a whole lot, but what I do eat, I make it count. The rest of today is looking pretty good.....

Mini rant

2011-01-22T09:29:00.000-08:00

Last night we decided to go get some Chinese Food.

We have a place locally we like to go, where the waiter (David) knows our name, what we (usually) like to order, and remembers even what our rice and soup preferences are.

Last night being Friday night, it was rather busy. After we sat and ordered, a rather large-ish table was sat at a round table that was only a few feet from us. They appeared to be family, and as more of them trickled in and sat down, their (loud) conversation got worse, worse, and worse.

As our food arrived, they were loudly perusing the menu, and discussing certain things like whether or not glass eyeballs were removable, surgeries, and Sh*t. Sh*t in meat, to be exact. While we were eating potstickers.

They proceeded to get more, and more obnoxious in this full restaurant, and when they had decided what they were going to eat, the older woman of the group began to shrilly shriek for David, by name. Obviously neither noticing, nor caring that David was taking care of multiple other tables. Meanwhile, the two sullen teenage boys of the group were busy backtalking their parents.

Poor David finally got to the shrieker, who proceeded to scold him "Where were you? What took you so long?"

"Uh, its Friday night in a busy Chinese restaurant, you old hag" is what I would have answered.

David, being a touch more diplomatic than I, just kind of laughed her off and gently pointed out the busy-ness of the place. She was not deterred, and proceeded to order for the entire table, instructing David, and each other person in how their meal was to be served, and what veggies to leave out or not, ect.

Thankfully, we were pretty much ready to leave at this point, being as MG and I had a hard time eating around all their inappropriate dinner talk of surgeries, eyeballs and Sh*t. Since MM can't hear out of one of his ears, he was lucky enough to have missed most of their verbal diarrhea. They were loud enough that he caught some of it, though.

As we left, I paused, next to their table, very, VERY tempted to loudly thank them for ruining what had started out as a nice dinner for us, with their disregard for every other patron within a 20 foot viscinity of their vile conversations.

One thing stopped me. Well, maybe two. There were kids at the table, and I tend to not be a bitch to other peoples children,

and, had I gone off on them, it would have just drawn more attention to their already obnoxious table, and then they would have spent the next 10 minutes trashing me, and taking it out on poor David, who was stuck with them. They would not have even thought that their conversations, or behaviors were inappropriate for a small, family dining restaurant.

So I left, quietly.

I hope to never see them again, though, or I may not be able to hold my tongue..

the list goes on and on and on and on and on.....

2011-01-17T06:40:00.000-08:00

I am a sleeper.

I adore sleeping. I'm guessing most of you know that, and are laughing hysterically over the fact that my future now holds a tiny, squalling sleep preventer. I am so aware of that.

Anyhow.

One of the first signs that something (ie, pregnancy), was going on with me, was that suddenly, on my nights off, every night off, I was awake, at 4 am. (sometimes earlier). So awake, that I'd eventually get up, and wander out to the living room for awhile to read, watch some TV, or stew over the fact that I wasn't sleeping.

This hasn't changed. I am usually up, and eating, somewhere between 4 am and 5, daily. People, I used to sleep in until 9 am, AT LEAST. I can't remember anymore the last time I was in bed at 9 am. (unless I've worked the night before).

So, I have these early morning hours, when the only noise in the house is my babbling fish tank. This is the time of day I feel best. So I eat as many healthy things as I can, drink some juice, and entertain myself, trying to be quiet for the others. Sometimes succeeding, sometimes not.

Yesterday, I chose to start perusing the internets, looking at baby furniture.

Now please recall, when we bought our home, we chose a 2 bedroom. Because, there was us, and MG, and its all we needed.

I love this house. Its just right for us, and I still think it is. We are not moving.

But

the baby will be sharing a room with us. (which, initially, it would have been anyhow, even if I HAD another room.).

This means, simply, that we re arrange our bedroom slightly, get rid of one LONG dresser that takes up too much space, and get a tall one instead, and put in only the needed necessities for the baby.

So why, then, when I start looking for said necessities, do I end up completely overwhelmed and freaked out?

Because these people, the peddlers of baby "stuff" want to make money, and convince us all that this tiny human being needs a shitload of furniture!

Seriously! If one buys all this 'stuff' they think we should have, the baby will have more furniture in the house than the other three of us, combined!

Yes, okay. Some of it would come in 'handy', for a few months. But is it all really necessary?

I think not.

And then there is the aspect of how fast the babies simply outgrow their 'stuff'. Leaving me with this barely used equipment. Like the bassinette. I am reading that they are only for the first 3 months...

So why bother? It boggles my mind. Sure, they are cute, and you can put it right next to the bed, or wheel it out to the living room ect. ect. But a simple crib, that the baby can sleep in for a few years, is just as good! And there are countless other things. Things that made my brain go splat!

In the end, I closed the laptop, and crawled back into bed, trying to get the visions of cradles, bassinettes, cribs, changing tables, laundry hampers, diaper genies, dressers, lamps, mobiles, rocking chairs, bouncy chairs, slings, boppy pillows and more out of my head. It wasn't easy.

Yes, we will end up with many of those things on the list. I actually WANT some of those things on the list.

But I need to get into a clear frame of mind to process, and imagine and plan what is needed, versus what is wanted....

something tells me this is going to be an interesting few months...

To Widgit or not to Widgit, and other stuff

2011-01-15T09:07:00.000-08:00

You know those blogs of people having babies?

They have this widgit in their sidebars, that show this revolving baby, with a countdown. It looks kind of strange to me when I look at them....

do you few readers want a revolving baby widgit?

I am trying not to make this a baby blog, because that wasn't what it was. It really is just some sort of chronicle of what is going on with me.

Yes, right now, baby is what is going on with me, but there are other things, too. Like my Jeep needs a new starter and left me stranded at work the other day.

Like MG is SIXTEEN, and a Junior in high school (eeek!)

Like, MM is now starting training to run a 5 or 10 k. Something. He is running. Which is great. Someone has to chase the baby.

The baby.

Had a doctors appt. yesterday, that was kind of fun. I picked anOB who has been in practice for the last 32 years. He is very nice, very capable, and won't retire on me before the baby. I like experienced doctors. We did the full work up yesterday, the dreaded pap smear and all. He was very gentle with me, I didn't even feel the exam, which was awesome.

Best of all, of course, was we got to have the sonogram. He checked and measured and showed us things, like the brain, the face, all the arms and legs, the beating heart. Everything looks the way it should. MM and I were both enthralled by the little screen, of course. The doctor gave us three pictures of the little tyke to bring home with us so we could show MG her sibling. She is still hoping for a boy :)

See, this post ended up being a baby post after all...

For Cami Kaos, and K!

2011-01-12T09:43:00.000-08:00

Now I’ll sing my song
To make the snow come down
And I’ll do my snow dance
Whoops! I almost lost my pants
I’ll holler and yell,
And really give it---

It’s Heikki’s snow dance song,
Heikki’s snow dance song

We gotta have some snow by the 4th of December
“Heikki Lunta, make it snow!” say all the Range Club members
The races are only three weeks away
And if I don’t make it snow, I’ll go back to making hay

It’s Heikki Lunta’s snow dance song,
Heikki Lunta’s snow dance song.

Heikki Lunta is in charge of the snow, myth has it that if you sing this song and do the dance that you will get your snow!

Snow, snow, snow!

Now I’ll dance some more,
And I’ll really know the score
How to make it snow,
Come on, man, go, go, go!
Don’t even slow down
till the snow starts falling down

It’s Heikki Lunta’s snow dance song,
Heikki Lunta’s snow dance song.

Snow, snow, come on, snow!

scattered brain cells

2011-01-10T07:16:00.000-08:00

I had this really weird thought the other day. I know, me and weird thoughts, what's so new about that?

Nothing really. But none the less, here is the thought I had.

I wonder, do we somehow choose our own parents?

Deep, right?

Too deep for how my brain is working lately, so rather than sit and try to peruse this question, my brain went into another direction.

What if we could, with some concious knowledge, choose who was going to raise us?

And then for some reason I started considering what life would have been like had Julia Child been my mother.

(Yes, I have recently re watched the movie "Julie and Julia".)

And now?

I am watching a show about the supposed Worst Cooks in America.

What are you doing?

This may be TMI for some people..

2011-01-03T04:41:00.000-08:00

but I am going to blog about it, anyhow, so I can look back later and laugh at myself. (It should be noted here that none of this post is meant to be complaint, just observation. I am still feeling lucky and blessed...)

The first trimester of pregnancy isn't for sissies.

Not that I expected it to be. I didn't really have any expectations for it, to be honest. As I mentioned, it was completely unexpected...

My body, though, has changed the rules on me, without really filling me in on what those rules are.

Things that used to take me no time at all now take me days, if they even get done.

My breasts have taken on a life of their own. It would be great if they weren't so tender all the time. I already can't lay on my stomach.

We won't even discuss the reality of constipation, or pre-natal vitamins.

A day that I can get away without vomiting is now a good day. It doesn't happen often.

I can't even get within 3 feet of the butcher counter at my favorite grocery store, because the sight and smell of raw meat brings me to my knees. Once it's cooked? I'm kind of okay. I can't even look at raw meat on the television anymore. And the smells at work? Oh, yeah... I've been the really fun nurse to work around lately...

My sleep patterns are way off. Some days I sleep constantly. Some days, like today, I am up at 0400, eating something, and attempting to blog. (This is the second version of this post, actually).

My eating patterns have been destroyed, as well. Which is actually all the better for me. I eat much less, but much more intelligently.

I am however, sad that I can't eat sushi, bleu cheese anything, brie, or any soft cheeses for awhile. Willing to forgo them, but sad. I like those things. Every day I kind of discover new things that aren't recommended for pregnant women to eat. Thankfully, Peanut Butter is fine. Because I am a peanut butter eating fool these days.

If I can go 3 hours without needing to pee I feel liberated. That doesn't happen often.

And the decisions they want you to make! When your brain is barely functioning! All these prenatal screening things, testing the baby for everything under the sun. Amniocentesis, blood work, ect. They drew NINE vials of blood just for a standard prenatal panel! And they wonder why pregnant women become anemic. Ha! And the fears that go with all those tests. I just can't think that way. This baby will be healthy! It WILL.

The mood swings are awesome, too. Though I am usually more prone to crying then anger, I still manage both on occasion.

So, what a roller coaster. I have about 6 weeks left of the first trimester, give or take. The first sonogram is in a few weeks, where we can take measurements and figure out a little better exactly how far along I am. If I am counting correctly, I am in my 8th week, now. The baby is the size of a green olive, apparently......

A list of Never's.

2010-12-27T00:00:00.000-08:00

I do know, to never say Never.

I learned that lesson a long time ago.

But that doesn't mean that I didn't have a list, in my mind, of things that I had come to expect would never happen for me.

I never expected to buy a house. I knew that I would need a strong, reliable, working partner for that.

Enter, Mustang Man. My strong, reliable, working partner.

I won't say I never expected to find him, because to be honest with you? I KNEW I would. It just took a little more time then I expected it to.... :)

I never thought I'd be a Mom.

Enter, Mustang Girl.

just because I didn't give birth to her does not make her any less mine. Despite her being entrenched into her teen years, she and I still have a very good, very strong relationship. There is really not much I DON'T tell her. It might sound sappy to you, but that kid is one of my best friends. Yeah. We have the typical ups and downs. But she is someone I am proud to know. Always will be.

And the biggest Never?

One that I've kind of wrestled with, for the last 10 years or so?

The biological clock never.

I have come to, and accepted the fact, that I will not have a child, of my own. My own genetics. One that I have known since conception. As time went by, and I became older, accepting that got a little easier. Sure, I had moments of regret. But, I chose not to have a baby while I was single, and on my own. I wanted a partner for something like that. Even my own MOM asked me one year to go get knocked up while I was single...

Turning the big 4-0 this year pretty much cemented this for me.

Well

God laughs when you tempt him so, doesn't he?

Thats right, ladies and gentlemen, Aunts and Uncles. Whomever is still reading this.

When I wasn't looking, wasn't expecting, I was uh, minding my own business....

that never turned into NOW.

There will be an addition to our crazy, loving house in August, if all goes well. And I am focused on it all going well. So far, so good.

We are surprised, we were shocked. We are happy. We are hormonal (well, I am hormonal). We are looking at this as an enhancement to our lives. We are grateful. We are humbled by our gift.

We have a "Hun in the oven". (yes, the baby already has a nickname. "Hun". He or she is very good at telling me what they want so far. ("eat, puke! eat more! puke! sleep! wait! don't sleep, go pee! now, cry at a stupid commercial!") I have this vision of this little tiny kid pulling and tapping on my organs (especially my bladder) to his or hers hearts content....

as long as he or she is healthy, and growing, I'm all for it. He/she just needs to keep going, all the way until August. (but don't be late, please!)

So, there it is.

my last never has been rejected....

and now, if you will excuse me, I am going to go puke, cry, eat, pee, or sleep. Or all of the above.

I'm still here

2010-12-22T08:10:00.000-08:00

And I have a doozy of a blog post to write you all, I really do.

But

I can't write it all down yet, I've gotta get through work, and then Christmas.

But I promise. It will be good.

So good, some of you will happy dance

and some of you may even cry...

seriously

I promise.

See you soon

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and all that rot.

(I will try and get the new post up before New Years, if possible)

Wordless Wednesday

2010-12-15T11:00:00.001-08:00

Santa has a hard life in our house....

just catching up...

2010-12-13T15:33:00.000-08:00

Saturday did totally rock, what with the Navy winning and all. Next year, will be a decade of wins. I already can't wait....

We also went and got our lovely Christmas tree, and decorated it. This tree smells SO GOOD. I love a live tree for that reason. You can all keep your artificial, easy to put up trees. And call me a tree murderer.

I am, and always will be, a live tree girl. Yeah. I realize I should get the plantable kind. But those are so small.

I am, once again, badly procrastinating Christmas Cards. You all might be getting New Years Cards.

I have the best of intentions, I really do....

Go Navy!

2010-12-08T08:01:00.001-08:00

I can't let this week go any further without mentioning that Saturday is the Navy-Army game.

Anyone who knows me, or has been here knows that I am DIEHARD for this game!

I have all the faith in the world that my Middie's will kick some Army ass, for the NINTH year in a row!

It's going to rock....

I can't wait for Saturday...

so I have to ask...

2010-12-06T18:24:00.000-08:00

When did it become okay for children to be getting coffee?

I ask because, well.

The dentist I go to, she sees many kids, because they do those Invisalign braces at her practice. And, in their waiting room, they have this little beverage center thingy that has one of those one cup drink makers. And little snacks.

I already think that's weird, because, you're going to the dentist. Why do they want people eating and drinking before their exams?

Ok, I get that its probably for the people waiting for their kids or spouses or whatever. But what's to stop the person getting the exam from sitting there and using it?

ANYHOW

so, I was early for my appointment, because the DMV and my other errands didn't take as long as I had expected them to. Kid number 1 walks in, a boy, probably no more then 12 years old, I am guessing closer to 10, though. A few minutes later, Dad comes in.

"dad! dad! dad!! Can I get a drink!"

"yeah whatever" waves away Dad, who is too busy telling the receptionist she looks "gorgeous" and calling the hygenest sweetheart. (true story)

Kid starts pushing buttons, hemming and hawing. Finally, he turns to his father, who was still ogling the receptionist and says "All the buttons are flashing and I don't know what to do!"

Dad comes over, pushes a button, and voila

juniors cup starts to fill.

"I had a hard time choosing between the French Roast or the Green Tea" says jr. conversationally, as his cup fills. "I chose the tea".

"Well there's the sugar, hurry up" answers pervo-dad.

And with that, said 'sweetheart hygeinest' calls the child in.

As they were leaving, later, Dad hands kid the next appt. card. "Give that to your mother" he instructs.....

Kid 2 comes in

with skinny mother

doesn't even ask

right for the French Roast.

He was probably 13.

I never even considered drinking coffee at their ages...

RamLoach-the story

2010-12-01T16:33:00.001-08:00

This is Rambo Loach (RamLoach), and Mini Loach is in the shot, too...

They are "Golden Dojo Loaches", or, also known as "Weather Loaches". They are called Weather Loaches because they become much more active when the weather is about to change. They used to carry them on Navy Ships.

I think they are very fun fish, when they are doing laps in the tank they look like golden spiralling ribbons.

But I digress.

When we had just the 29 gallon tank I bought 3 of these loaches for it. They like their own company, and need a friend. The silly things kept disappearing, though, going over the back wall, and down through a hole underneath the filter system built into the tank. All three of them disappeared, and I stopped getting any, having learned my lesson.

Well, then the advent of my 75 gallon glass tank at an unbelievable price came about. We got the big new tank all set up, water parameters happy, got it landscaped. Then moved all the fish over, and unplugged the biocube, until I had time to clean it out and prepare it to become our Salt Water tank.

Fast forward, about 3 weeks. MM took the biocube outside, the tank that had been unplugged for 3 weeks, no light. No air. Just a little water at the bottom....

He dumps out said water, and I hear him hollering from the front yard

"Fish! I've got a Fish! Open the door! Fish!"

I go out the screen door and MM runs past me, hands cupped, throws open the top of the new tank, and practically throws this fish he's found into the tank.

RamLoach.

He'd survived the entire time under the filter system. And for the last 3 weeks, with nothing to eat, no lights. NOTHING. Hence his name, Rambo Loach.

He also survived the 5 days of no power.

I really shouldn't be surprised. RamLoach might outlive us all....

Wordless Wednesday

2010-12-01T10:24:00.001-08:00

A gift

2010-11-28T20:52:00.000-08:00

Because you were all so patient and kind during our snowpocalypse of the last week, reading my whining, on here, and on FB about how badly it sucked to be without power for five days,

and because most of you didn't laugh when one of the first things I was happy about was a handful of non dead fish....

I found you all a reward.

I've blogged a few times about how I was Marie Osmand for Halloween once when I was a kid. Plastic mask and all.

I spent some time this Thanksgiving looking through my Mom's pictures, and found you the photographic evidence of this monumental event. Because I love you all, Here it is, in all its ugh, Toothy Glory.....

Be kind. I was only seven years old, and knew NOT what I was choosing. Or that I would willingly share this with the interwebs all these years, later....

And now, for the rest of the story....

2010-11-26T16:45:00.000-08:00

So I left off, despondant in a hotel room, not knowing what Thanksgiving would bring.

MM and awoke Turkey Day morning with a message on his cell from PGE, stating that they would have another "update" for us at 4pm that day. Meaning. No power.

MG was at her friends house, still, but we wanted to go get her, so at least we could spend the holiday together. We reviewed our options, and, both of us wanting some semblance of Turkey and Family, we opted to go grab MG and head for my parents house. I ran to our frozen home on the tundra and grabbed a few items from the ice chest buried in snow, a few clothing items, and WINE, and MM fetched the girl. Problem #1. I looked in a fish tank and depressed myself beyond belief. Problem #2. MM was in a little Toyota. Our driveway was icy as hell. Fast forward squealing tires, cursing, sand and salt, and the little Toyota that could finally made it up the driveway. Off we went. None of us had eaten yet, and it being Thanksgiving, nothing was really open. We stumbled across a Marie Callendars, and in we went. They were ONLY serving Turkey Dinners, or Ham dinners. So, at roughly 1 pm, we ate our first turkey dinner of the day. Why not, right? In the middle of the first round of Turkey, PGE called, and said we had power.

Well Hell. We were almost to Moms. And it was too late to turn around, and, we didn't want to, so on we went.

After that interlude, we got to my Moms house, where it was warm and smelled like Turkey. We made some cauliflower and cheese casserole, showed Mom "Words With Friends" (and now she is kicking my arse regularly on it) visited with Grandma and posted lots of pictures of my Uncle on Facebook while he napped before dinner, after dinner, and before dessert. A fine Turkey dinner was had, wine was consumed and all was good.

Or was it?

My parents live in the middle of essentially nowhere, in a small town. People are comfortable relaxing there. MM and I were relaxed enough to leave my Jeep unlocked.

Someone else was 'relaxed' enough to enter said Jeep, and take everything from my glove box, (including my registration, insurance, maintenance record, and Jeep manual), a jacket, a new, expensive sink faucet a friend had just given us, and, of ALL things, My book of the Kalevala, the epic Finnish poem that my name, Mielikki comes from.

Yes. They TOOK my KALEVALA!

Bastards!

I reported all this to the local Barney Fife's. They are generating the report. Nothing taken had my SSN on it, and the paperwork had 2 different addresses, because we'd moved since I got the Jeep. In my heart, I think it was probably some annoying kids who were out to make trouble for other people on Thanksgiving. None the less, I am exploring steps to try and protect myself from Identity Theft. If any of you have any advice about this, lets hear it...

We finally procrastinate long enough, then came home. To the grim business of the stinky fridge, and sad fish tanks. MM (my hero) did the tanks. To our shock, we actually have a few survivors. Sadly, just one thing in the SW tank, a peppermint shrimp. It was hit hard. The corals even seem to be gone.

The FW tank did a bit better. I have a minnow, the frogs, some cories (bottom feeders), and my 2 weather loaches. Its better than no fish at all. And Ram Loach (the bigger weather loach) is a family favorite fish. I am pretty sure I told his story. Let me go look. Oh. I didn't.

I will have to tell his story on a post that isn't so long. Suffice it to say, RamLoach is a Bad Ass.

His name is officially Rambo Loach. And I wouldn't mess with him. ESPECIALLY after this week...

So, five days of no power didn't kill us. We got a Thanksgiving dinner, and, believe it or not, as I type this, we have our Turkey that we could not bake in the oven. The smelly fridge has been dealt with, and life will return to normal ish.

And Mom is still kicking my arse at Words With Friends.

Bah!~

The Best Laid Plans

2010-11-24T08:00:00.000-08:00

Ugh. is all I have to say about this particular week

We knew snow was coming

what we didn't know is that we'd get 2.5 feet of it

and that multiple trees would fall down

on the power lines

and that we would be without power for going on, um, four days now?

I am in a hotel typing this, because I needed to be warm. I needed a shower. I needed lights and even the background noise of a television.

None of which I can get at home, yet.

So, my fish are dying, because I can't save them. I've done what I could for them, but four days, with probably another day at least without heat or added oxygen to the tanks is too much.

We lost most of our ornamental trees. The plum tree. The cherry. The dogwood. And some pine trees

Our yard

is a freaking mess.

I may, or may not get to cook our Thanksgiving dinner...

But we have a home. We have each other. We can get new fish. We can get new trees. We can learn from this

(the lesson? We will be purchasing a generator, so that this doesn't happen again...)

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone

In my head.....

2010-11-19T09:29:00.000-08:00

I stole this from Sybil, but it took me a few days of contemplation to discover, who, exactly, lives in my head...

I've got some fairly interesting people settled in there...

including a teenaged Vampire Slayer......

Matt Molloy, who plays for the Chieftains, and is, always has been, one of my idols

a lil' dash of crazy, Vivienne Leigh

I am always cold! This guy HAS to be in there, somewhere

Florence Nightengale, for obvious reasons

And Susie. From Calvin and Hobbes. The cute, yet annoying neighbor who always wants to come and play....

brrr!

2010-11-18T18:14:00.000-08:00

And so it begins...

they are saying that this weekend, we will have Snow.

I could have a 'White Thanksgiving'....

we have firewood, food, each other...

that could be fun!

Wordless Wednesday

2010-11-17T00:00:00.000-08:00

Look closely.....

Its probably the last time you'll see the elusive Roomba....

He's (she's?) a flounder. The newest edition to our saltwater tank.

And so good at camoflauge that we haven't seen it since the first day we put it in there.

Seriously.

I wish I could hide as well as this fish can....

the other cool thing?

The eyes operate independently of each other. The fish can look forwards and backwards. At the same time.

I might want to be reincarnated as this fish.

Except for that whole eating, or living in an aquarium thing...

and the brain the size of nothing....

Wishing

2010-11-15T10:47:00.000-08:00

I live in a very cool area.

2 small towns, that are about 2.5 miles apart, that offer a myriad of delightful things.

We eat very well when we go out, because we are able to find authentic mexican food, or, high quality sushi. We have a few fantastic Italian food choices, a pub that makes the BEST burger I've ever eaten, and also, some "typical" American food places. Oh, and don't even get me started on my favorite Pizza place. And I can't forget the Chilean Restaurant, OR, the Cajun food. The choices for Chinese are multiple... And, most of these places use "humane" and local items, if thats your thing. We also have a few really excellent Vegan places to eat at.

Shopping? You wanna shop?

Both towns boast a downtown area that looks like a throwback from way back when. Shoe stores, kitchen stores, jewelry, antiques as far as the eyes can see. Clothes, of course. A decadent yarn store that makes me want to knit forever. Stores that carry strange things like NunZilla, and other bizarre items. Music stores. Not CD stores, MUSIC stores. That sell instruments, guitars, harmonicas, maracas, sheet music, and more. Book stores. Stationary stores. We have 2 high falutin' specialty Cheese shops. And a Tea shop. (I think it's still open).

We've got the basics, too. Groceries, Hardware and Lumber, Beauty Salons, and Barbers. Hell. We even have a K(ame) Mart (apart)

I can find, essentially, anything I want. If something escapes me, well, I have the internet, right?

WRONG

what I am missing, what this area needs, is a BAKERY.

Now, we have "bakeries". Places that have the typical bakery things. But none of them have breads.

I am talking good breads. REAL sourdough. Rye. Pumpernickel. Wheat so thick you could knock someone out with it.

I'd probably be their best customer. I'd also probably weigh 500 pounds because of them.

Maybe I better be careful what I wish for...

but I'd give my right arm for a good loaf of Rye bread right about now...

2010-11-11T11:35:00.000-08:00

Wordless Wednesday

2010-11-10T00:00:00.000-08:00

I'm like a week or so late with this but I just saw it and couldn't resist

prop 19 was the Medical Marijuana legalization one... it didn't pass, perhaps more of the Taco Hell's should have advertised for it?

National Dunce Day

2010-11-08T16:02:00.000-08:00

Is today.

I am so not kidding.

If I would have known, I would have celebrated it appropriately. Maybe.

I don't really enjoy stupidity much, or pointed hats for that matter. Maybe enjoying national Dunce Day could include me going out and running a few over?

Nah. Because then MM would have to come bail me out of jail, and I don't think that would be fun for anyone. Besides. Say I didn't get caught doing that. I'd end up taking care of them at work, and truthfully? I am already idiot challenged in the work place. There are a few particular nurses I work with that aren't known for being the sharpest tools. That sounds bad. No one really wants to be taken care of by a stupid nurse. All I can really say is that while nursing school is, indeed, difficult, time consuming, labor intensive, and LONG, I've seen some book smart people graduate through it, then exhibit none of the real life smarts they need to survive it.

Anyhow. Today is National Dunce Day. Did anyone find a way to celebrate it?

Wait, what time is it??

2010-11-07T10:52:00.000-08:00

Happy Daylight Savings Time...

Now go fix all your clocks :)

The song stuck in my head right now

2010-11-05T21:29:00.000-07:00

Lump sat alone in a boggy marsh,
totally emotionless except for her heart
Mud flowed up into lump's pajamas
she totally confused all the passing pihranas

She's lump, she's lump
She's in my head
She's lump, she's lump, she's lump
She might be dead

Lump lingered last in line for brains
and the one she got was sorta rotten and insane
Small things so sad that birds could land
Is lump fast asleep or rockin' out with the band?

She's lump, she's lump
She's in my head
She's lump, she's lump, she's lump
She might be dead

Lump was limp and lonely and needed a shove
Lump slipped on a kiss and tumbled into love
She spent her twenties between the sheets
Life limped along at sub-sonic speeds

She's lump, she's lump
She's in my head
She's lump, she's lump, she's lump
She might be dead

Is this lump outta my head?
I think so
Is this lump outta my head?
I think so
Is this lump outta my head?
I think so
Is this lump outta my head?

The one where I blog about Halloween weekend

2010-11-02T12:44:00.000-07:00

Where to start... where to start.....

ok here.

After working Friday night, I came home Saturday morning, napped, and then we were off like turd of Hurkeys. We made good time to the Bay Area, where we met up with MM's older sister, (I am going to simplify things and refer to her as Lucy. It will make it much easier, trust me). Along with Lucy, was her oldest daughter, Betty (it's a compliment, people. She loves to bake, is good at it). I had not met Betty, yet. And we haven't seen Lucy and her family for a few years (3 ish?) so it was good to catch up with them. Betty's husband is in the Navy (go Navy!), and Lucy and Betty were driving to the next duty station, able to meet us on the way. We checked into our hotel, met Betty's sweet dogs, and then took off to go have Mexican food. The dinner company was outstanding, but let me just tell you, all Carne Asada's are NOT created equal. After a nice evening, we went back to our respective rooms, to sleep, and gear up for Sunday, Halloween....

0545 rolls around Halloween morning, and my stupid brain turns on, and it won't turn off. This is something that plagues many people who work nights. I lay in (not my) bed, faced with a conundrum. Get up? and possibly disturb both MM and MG? Lay there, tossing and turning, waking up MM for sure? I got up, went to a comfortable chair, and played with my phone, and drank some hot tea. Eventually, everyone got up, we got ourselvestogether, and ventured out into Halloween.

Our first stop was this place called "Psycho Donuts". I'm not a huge donut fan, but this place wasfun, and the donuts were good. I got a Key Lime one, and MM got one made with Nutella, which he shared with me. YUM! After Psycho donuts, we made our way over to the coast, to enjoy nearby Santa Cruz. We did nothave to be at The Winchester House until 9:30 pm. We spent a nice afternoon wandering the boardwalk, playing in the arcade, looking around at the strange and not so strange. As you can see it was a beautiful day.

After going back to the hotel for a rest, then out for dinner, it was finally time to make our way to the Winchester house. The highlight of Halloween...

We get there, and like any place that is a tourist attraction, you find yourself pretty much immediately in a gift shop. We looked around a bit, thenwandered outside to the gardens. Say anything you want about Sarah Winchester, but she has beautiful gardens and grounds surrounding her house. It being Halloween, there were quite a few others roaming around with the same purpose we had, the flash light tour of the house. There were also staff wandering around giving us candy, and trick or treat bags. Bonus! We wandered hither and yon, looking into some outbuildings, at some late blooming flowers, at our surroundings. I took a great picture of an outside sign in the night, with my flash on, so it should have shown the colors (yellow sign, reddish lettering). It came out in black and white. AND, when I downloaded my pictures into the c

amera, THAT picture? Was gone. Or I'd show you.So instead I will show you a flower...

It was finally our turn to go into the house, and on our tour. Given our flashlights, and the typical tour guide who ends every sentence with an upward inflection, away we went. I will tell you, I've come to the conclusion that any spirit that might have been wandering around was probably turned off by many of the idiots walking the house with flash lights. There were a few places we went where I felt like there was something going on, (one of the kitchens, and the Daisy bedroom), but, nothing really overtly happened. Despite that, the house is amazing! Sarah Winchester had impeccable taste in how she wanted these rooms to look. Or rather, the spirits telling her how to build the house did. The wood work, cabinetry, and tiling were beautiful. Lots of craftmanship went into this place. The floors were gorgeous. And don't even get me started on the myriad of leaded windows she had. Many of them Tiffany designed.

The house was odd, too. The staircase that goes into the ceiling, the doors leading to nowhere, windows in the floor, the tiny, narrow staircases. Those had purpose, though. Sarah Winchester was only 4'10, and she had arthritis. So the tiny steps were much easier for her to climb. Makes sense. I would really like to go tour the house during the day, to see its beauty in the light. All told, according to our tour guide, we walked a mile around the house, and saw some 110 rooms. We didn't STOP in 110 rooms, but that was ok. Many of them were unfinished, or for storage.

So, after an hour of touring the house with the idiots in our group, we were done. We purchased our few items in the gift shop, and it was time for us to take our leave of Lucy and Betty. (they were staying one more night in the area).

We made it back home at 0230 in the morning, and were very glad to find our own beds...

It was a fantastic weekend.

Spooooooky.....

2010-10-22T16:57:00.000-07:00

The wonderful, fantabulisitic Mustang Man had a great idea a few weeks back...

It involves Halloween...

We don't get trick or treaters here...

Mustang Girl has outgrown the need for trick or treat

thus, we are at loose ends, typically, for the day.

So back to MM's fabulous idea....

Remember, way back when,

I did a Friday Mieography on Sarah Winchester?

Now I get to go see her house!

On HALLOWEEN!

With a Flash light!

After Dark!!

Its a Mieography come true!!

I highly doubt I will be bringing a camera. Because the flashes of light ruining the effect and all that. Well I might bring it, but probably not use it in the house. I am sure they won't let me, anyhow. I would love to get a few shots of Mustang Girl reacting to the oddness of it all, though...

I wonder if we will get to see Sarah, herself?

Part of me is quaking in my doc martens (well, I will be. Right now technically I am wearing Eeyore slippers. But I will be wearing my Docs. In case I have to stomp out a ghost, yo)

and part of me is little girl excited over the fun! Making it even more fun, his sister, and oldest niece are meeting us there...

What are the rest of you doing for Halloween?

its raining...

2010-10-21T12:04:00.001-07:00

I really, really wonder if my dreams can get any more strange.

Last night, I dreamt that I was in NYC, visiting the lovely Daryl, and I had heard about this new place to go and eat. Daryl was game, so off we went.

NYC is her town, yet, I was the one who knew where to go. (I am usually directionless, can get lost in a paper bag).

None the less, I lead her to a place, someplace on the street, where there are large tables set out, set nicely. There is also a salad bar, and beverage center. Going slightly further, we approach an empty space, that has large white squares of butcher paper on the ground. I reach up, and pull a cord, and a big chute opens up, and drops a lot of hot, steaming Yakisoba onto the white butcher paper. Daryl neatly folds up the paper, and off we go to a nice table, with our meal. We distribute it, hit the salad bar, and the beverage center. Then I wake up. (Which is a shame, because I love Yakisoba.)

Yes, Daryl, I know you don't eat meat. In my defense, Yakisoba doesn't have to have meat in it. I frequently ate it (and do eat it) without. Perhaps I pulled the cord that rained the meat free Yakisoba.

So there you have it.

Somewhere, in NYC it rains Yakisoba. And if it doesn't?

It should.

And So...

2010-10-20T14:29:00.001-07:00

I enter a blue a period.

Hmmm

Or not. This one looks nicer. But I may change my mind again.

aaargh

2010-10-18T13:12:00.000-07:00

Our house has a well. As in, for water.

I like having a well, actually. We had it tested before escrow ended on the house, and we even paid a little extra to get the mega test, to make sure the water didn't have any bad contaminates in it. Obviously, all the tests turned out well. Very well, actually. The water is very clean, and free of anything, and the well is deep, with a good flow rate. And so, we were (and are) happy.

Now.

We live in an area in California where mining was a very heavy industry. Matter of fact, the area was initially settled by Welsh miners. Those mines are still in existence. Talk abounds of the mining at one particular mine starting up again. Of course, that mine is near to our home. (bastards). And with this talk, they tell us there is the possibility that our well could get contaminated.

Enter, the local water company, supposedly to the rescue.

They decided (with dollar signs dancing in their eyes), that they would branch out to our area. Dig up our street for MONTHS at a time to lay water pipe in, so that those of us with wells could get city water.

And the price for us to tap into their city water piping? The city water that tastes like chlorine, and has only knows what in it?

over TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS

yep

they want us to pay them something a little more than 10k to get their water.

AND THEN

we would have the monthly water bill, too....

Um...

is what we have decided.

Our well is fine, there is no concrete plan for the mine to re open. And even if it does, it does not automatically mean our well water will go bad. And frankly? I don't have 10k to just give our local water nazi's. They can go suck it.

Meanwhile, back at the farm.

This week, they are carving up the street in front of the house. As I type, bull dozers large enough to make my floor rattle are going down the road. They actually are wanting us to park our cars at our neighbor's houses, across the street, so that they can dig at free will, without the hassle of letting me out of MY OWN DRIVEWAY.

(once again, they can bite me). Our across the street neighbors are these little old people, with limited parking space as it is. I work nights. MM works days. They don't need our cars cluttering up their limited space for days at a time. Not to mention the fact, I don't want to be going back and forth across our semi busy street at the ass crack of dawn as I get home from work, or at dusk, when I am leaving for work. They are going to have to let me out. And in. And out. And in. Whenever I choose....

Wordless Wednesday

2010-10-06T10:46:00.000-07:00

my brain. It hurts.

2010-10-02T09:05:00.000-07:00

I have the strangest thoughts in the middle of the night. My brain really must feel like I limit it during the day time, because it rambles so in my dreams.

So, last nights consideration?

When Sherpa's want to go on vacation, where do they go?

Yeah. I know.

I can only think that I thought of this because I've been watching these documentaries about climbing Mt. Everest, lately. I love watching those. If I were in (much much) better shape, and (much much) younger, I'd go to Everest.

Maybe I am a re-incarnated Everest climber who died up there.

It could be~ stop laughing.

So those Sherpa's.

How do you find a good vacation spot after you've been on top of the world? I can't see a Sherpa wanting to sip Mojito's on a beach, or, going on an Alaskan Cruise. I wonder what they'd think of Disney World? They'd want to scale the giant Epcot Golf Ball, I'm betting....

Wordless Wednesday

2010-09-29T00:00:00.000-07:00

For some reason, this is the only one I could find... this is the pink frosting crisco one

the cake game

2010-09-27T13:48:00.000-07:00

So, what's going on in your world?

Nothing too earth shattering in mine...

The kid turned 16 and despite having a head full of cotton, I survived it. Some of the kids nearly didn't, though. They were playing a raucous game of Hide and Seek, and MG's boyfriend, who isn't known for his gracefulness, had one of those moments where he tripped. It was like he hung in the air for three seconds, then THUD. Sprawled on the ground. This kid is over 6 feet tall, and SOLID. China felt that earthquake. He's fine. But it looked nasty. Now, a week later, he says he still has a bruise on his leg from it. Our backyard is perfect for Hide and Seek, though, since it's a little over an acre, and has tons of trees. Fun was had by all.

One tradition we have for her birthday is that MM and I endeavor to make her the ugliest cake we can. Yes. We do that. We are terrible people. She loves it. It started out unintentionally, one year MM made a cake with frosting that consisted of crisco (the "fluffy" white kind, and Strawberry Quik.

NO I am not kidding. I had no part of that cake, except to stick a piece of peanutbutter toffee candy in the top. I mean, really, how could I have made it worse? I think he tried to write on top of it "Hippie Bird Day to Ewe". God that was a bad cake.

So the next year, it was my turn. I made a decent cake, and then tried to make black icing. Black food coloring really only turns things dark grey. And it made the icing runny as hell. I was running out of time, so I frosted that poor cake with dark grey icing, then put Happy Birthday on it like it was a hangman game, and had some of the letters filled in with candy. Stick figure hanging and everything.

Sadly, the cake was still a little too warm when I frosted it, and so the letters slid around and the hangman slid around, and it looked like a Picasso during his dark grey period.

Oh how we laughed at that.

This year, it was a team effort.

We bought one of those awful "Fun-Fetti" things, with the bright sugar things in the batter. With the matching frosting. I made the cake, and frosted it. It was a round layer, and of course, it was lopsided. MM decorated the top with MORE sugar sprinkles, and black icing from a can. It said "Hippo Birfday". Cake Wreaks got nothing on the two of us.

Before you take our parent cards, realize this

She LOVES the ugly cakes. She really does.

And we got her an ice cream cake for the actual party. The ugly cake is for family. And we ate that thing. My teeth STILL hurt from the sugar that cake held.

Now, though? I have a little less then a year to come up with a plan for next years ugly cake.

I'm thinking Cerebus.

Or maybe Cylcops.

or not...

The plague

2010-09-20T11:52:00.000-07:00

Someone, somewhere, within the last week-ish decided to share their infectious process with me. Its only SEPTEMBER and I have my first cold of the season. It hit, of course, the day before MG's birthday party, rendering me achy, crabby, and snot filled for the weekend. Bastard cold.

Fun was managed to be had, I did my best to convince myself that I felt fine. We had a pretty nice weekend. But I am still sick and slow.

I am, however, working on a story. It's not a very nice one, and I still don't know how its going to end. I will put it here, eventually.

and, most importantly, Mustang Girl is now, officially, sixteen. Today is the day. MM has chemistry class, so she and I will be going for dinner this evening...

The small things in life

2010-09-14T12:58:00.000-07:00

Another thing I really don't blog much about is being a step mom. (because that is what we call me, here).

I don't blog about it because, to be honest with you, it doesn't really create much blog fodder. I am very lucky in my karmic draw of step daughters. She is easy to get along with, she likes our little family, and her mom doesn't cause any particular drama in OUR lives. What she does with her own life is her own business, and we keep our families as separate as we can, and it works for us.

Anyhow.

Yeah. Step mom. Sometimes I find myself doing things with MG that just make me giggle on the inside. Like prom dress shopping, or homework checking. Even better?

Back to School night.

Oh, yeah...

I think I blogged about this two years ago when she was a freshman. I was working last year, and missed the joy of back to school night.

Last night, however, I went again. It was interesting. To recap, somewhat...

the way they manage it at our local high school is to have us go to the classes our child goes to on a daily basis. We only get 10 minutes per teacher, though, with ten minutes between each class to find the next one we are going to. I have MG go with me, otherwise I'd never find my way. This doesn't give much time for any parent to actually speak with the teachers, but it does give a feel for what the class is like, and what the expectations are, and, also, how each teacher prefers to be communicated with. They all seem to like email. I love that.

The teachers I most liked last night were her English and History teachers. Oh, the Biology teacher was good, too. The English teacher calls his class "American Literature", and he has a VERY ambitious reading list for them this year. They are reading "The Crucible" right now, and they are going to read "The Scarlet Letter", "Catcher in the Rye", "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest", "The Great Gatsby", and a few others. They have some great reading ahead of them. Its a good thing she likes to read.

Her Spanish teacher nearly put me to sleep. It seems to me that foreign language learning is very hit or miss. He is very old school, very set in his ways, and lordy, I am glad I am not in that class.

Thankfully, she is loving high school, and does well with her classes. She is a junior now, and is turning Sixteen a week from today. This weekend we are having her birthday party...

glasses, or spectacles?

2010-09-07T15:21:00.000-07:00

So, writing down my thoughts about grief was a good catharsis for me, I was able to get those deep thoughts out of my brain, so I could move on to other thoughts that aren't quite as dark.

But, I've been kind of at a loss for any kind of blog topics, lately, and my brain is very tired today, so I hit MM up to give me a random blog topic.

His suggestion?

That I blog about "Timothy Leary's glasses cause hallucinations".

Yes, really. See what I live with? Its no wonder that I love him :)

So here we go.

Now, if by glasses he meant Timothy Leary's spectacles causing hallucinations, well, that could be so. Especially if people with different prescriptions tried his glasses on. That would at least make their world a bit more blurry then it would have been before the glasses.

BUT

if we are talking about Timothy Leary's drinking glasses, then, OF COURSE there would be hallucinations involved. He was such a big proponent of LSD to be used for psychological benefit that I would bet money he had a copious amount at home for just that. Being a house guest at his house would come with certain risks, and benefits.

He died from Prostate Cancer, but did an interesting thing with some of his ashes. He had them sent to space along with Gene Rodenberry's (and others)...

So, if you're ever at the house of a Leary, be leery of the glasses, drinking, or otherwise...

a discussion of grief. Not my best blog post, but out here none the less

2010-09-02T15:40:00.000-07:00

Ok, take two, or maybe three of writing this one. If I don't get it all out this time, I will probably trash can it, so here we go.

I've been thinking, a lot about grief, this week. No, I am not depressed. No one close to me has died. Things have just happened.. I guess you could say it actually started off with Bubblewench's sad loss, but my thoughts of grief were really triggered this week because one of my friends/coworkers suddenly lost a family member, and was at work when he learned of it. And watching him go through that affected me. In mere seconds, I watched as he went through the denial, the disbelief, and then, that *moment*. The one where that dark cloud of realization hits. The one where you realize you are never going to see/hear/touch your dear one on this earthly plain again. And you didn't really get to say goodbye.

I've always, ALWAYS, been a sensitive to grief. To me, it is another emotion, all to itself. Sadness doesn't begin to cover it. In my mind, when someone is grieving, especially that initial, first burst of grief, they are at one of the most vulnerable moments of their life. They have just had something taken from them. Never to return. And they are there, on that brink, of either accepting that, or losing their mind. Some choose to lose their minds.

I see my fair share of it, in my line of work. I actually, purposefully, take care of the death and dying patients and families, because I am sensitive to it. I don't want to short change any of my caring co workers, but my river of empathy runs strong here. But when I am there, with those suffering families, I am not grieving WITH them. I should not be, because that would imply that I am an intimate of their family. I am empathetic to them. They don't need a grieving nurse. They need one who is going to help them get through the process. And I can do that. Well. We all have our gifts, and that is my acknowledged gift at work. And I wouldn't change that.

It doesn't mean I am not affected by the people and their families. Some of them stay with me forever, good and bad. The suicides really get to me. Thankfully, we haven't had many of those, lately.

But, I didn't really sit down to write this about work. I really sat down to write this so I could see if I could put the emotion of grief down in words. I still don't know if I can.

One thing that really upsets me, in relation to grief, is the media. They seem to think that freedom of the press allows them to go, and take pictures of people who are in that moment. I do not think pictures of a parent holding their dead child is beautiful, or moving. I think it is an invasion of what should be a very private moment. We do NOT need to see the crying soldier holding his best friend in death. We do not need to see the broken down widow's/widowers at the graveside, fresh in the knowledge that their loves will never walk by their side again. We know what death is. We've all been there. No one deserves to be published facing that black prospect. No one. I actually think its pretty disrespectful. But that's just me. I acknowledge that, and I don't look at those pictures. And if one sneaks up on me, I get mad all over again.

I do digress, I guess. Grief. One of the purest, most painful emotions we can experience in our lives. I have spent about three days really mulling it over in my mind, from all the different aspects I've witnessed it in. In my own family, as a nurse, as a friend, and as a bystander. It's different from every aspect, with every person. It depends on who died. On what died. We grieve the death of our pets. Our plants. Our televisions. (come on, you know that some really do grieve inanimate objects). We grieve any kind of loss. The loss of a favorite earring. The loss of innocence. Grief is not exclusive to death. But when death is involved, that is the darkest, most heart shattering grief, it would have to be, right? Its the most vulnerable. And it has me, thinking...

decisions, decisions

2010-08-27T11:56:00.000-07:00

Stepping out the doors, I appreciatively breathe in the clean, fresh air, and glance around me, hugging myself, feeling both lucky, and apprehensive. Its early. I get to go home, and sleep. But, one more patient admitted to my floor brings me back. Will I go home and go to bed? Or stay awake, waiting for that intrusive phone call that recalls me back to the florescent world I just left.

Sleeeeeeep......

I make my way through the parking lot, noticing the lack of cars, and, more importantly, the lack of ambulances. No ambulance is a good sign. I work in the ICU. Our patients are usually delivered via ambulance. Sometimes they surprise me, crazy people driving through my town having crushing chest pain, or stroke symptoms. I always lecture them. I don't want them behind the wheel, impaired like that!

Jumping in my jeep, I choose to leave the radio off, to enjoy the quiet of this summer night. The temperature has dipped, thankfully. The air conditioner stays off. Smiling, I point Roxie towards home, and off we go.

My brain is still clicking with activity. I did not expect to go home early. But, we sent one fortunate soul home with his wife, sent one to another hospital, and transferred one to another floor. They didn't need so many nurses, and I was the chosen one. The one who volunteered. Happily.

Eight short minutes later, I roll up the driveway, and appreciate the beautiful sight of home. I hurry past the front of the house, not wanting to shine my lights into the front windows. Our bedroom is in the front, and MM has to get up for work in a few, short hours. I park in my customary spot, and open the door. Three shapes materialize at the back door. Meowing, plaintively, thinking that I will be fooled, and give them more of the canned food they adore. I laugh, softly, ruffle a few heads, and step over them, and into the door, into my welcoming kitchen. Sighing, I know I want to go lay down, and sleep. Yet my mind echoes with the fact that it just takes ONE PERSON, needing care, and I will reverse my route. Its what I do.

I walk through the darkness, hoping no one moved anything while I was gone, knowing they didn't. They never do. The iced tea I had causes me to head for the bathroom, where I blind myself with light, and see my night gown, hanging on its hook. Unable to resist, I pull my uniform off. The decision is made, it really has been. I am going to spin the wheel, take my chances.

Sleeeeep

Quickly, now, so as not to lose any time, I finish my ablutions, and stealthily make my way into the bedroom, around its mess (it is a mess) and to my bed. I have phone in hand, and use it, occasionally, to shine light, so I can see. I find MM in the middle of the bed, snoring lightly. He is deep into dream land. I remember one task I wanted to do, and accomplish it easily, using my phone. (What did I ever do, before the advent of my iPhone?). I put it down, make sure the house phone is easily within reach, mutter a prayer (please, don't ring!), and drift down, into bed, gently nudging MM out of my spot. Softly, I kiss him, and roll over, grateful for my fortune. I say a better prayer then please don't ring, and work on quieting my mind, so that I can sleep.

MM eventually realizes I am home, I know this because suddenly, there are arms around me, pulling me into a spooning embrace. Kisses land on my shoulder, then, just as suddenly, he is gone, again. Blame the night time bladder.

"how did you escape early?" he asks a few moments later as he shuffles back to the bed, and is asleep before I can give him a full answer, like I knew he'd be. MM can fall asleep in mere seconds. Me? At least 20 minutes. Sometimes more.

Sighing, I quiet my mind, again, and finally, blissfully, fall to sleep.

The phone, blessedly, stays silent. My town stayed safe, no one else falling ill enough to require the services of a tired ICU nurse. Good for them, Good for me.